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Cecilia and Jason Hilkey

Welcome To The Winter 2020

HAPPILY FAMILY ONLINE CONFERENCE NOTES

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25 videos, audio MP3 downloads, transcripts and all notes

Day One

Dr. Dan Siegel

Dr. Daniel Siegel

The Power of Showing Up: How Parental Presence Shapes Who Our Kids Become and How Their Brains Get Wired

Dr. Daniel Siegel is a clinical professor of psychiatry at the UCLA School of Medicine and the Executive Director of the Mindsight Institute. He has authored or co-authored several books including Parenting from the Inside Out, The Whole Brain Child, No Drama Discipline, Brainstorm, The Yes Brain, and The Power of Showing Up.

Summary:
The research on child development says that one of the very best predictors for how a child turns out is whether they had at least one person who showed up for them. Showing up improves happiness, social and emotional development, leadership skills, meaningful relationships, and even academic and career success. In this conversation with Dr. Dan Siegel, he explains how parents and caregivers can show up for their kids.

Links:

Website

Dr. Dan Siegel

Dr. Joseph Lee

How Collective Parenting Can Address ACEs, Racism, and Inequality

Dr. Joseph Lee is a psychiatrist with a practice in Southern California. Early in his practice he saw that his patients were clearly getting better, but didn’t seem to be quite “well.” His search to help people truly thrive, led him to a truth-based perspective that he’s been applying personally and professionally, built around developing self-worth, meaningful relationships, and lifelong optimal healthiness. Becoming a parent, made him more intentional about every aspect of his own life – trying to figure out the best way to raise his kids, while maintaining his own health and wellbeing.

Summary:
Usually we talk about how to build the resilience of an individual–a child or an adult–rather than how to build resilience as a group of people. Dr. Joseph Lee has a fresh new perspective on resilience. He talks about how to create resilience at the level of a family, community, city, or even a country, through a new concept that he calls Collective Parenting.

Links:

Website

Dr. Dan Siegel

Dr. Rick Hanson

Resilient: How to Grow an Unshakable Core of Calm, Strength, and Happiness

Dr. Rick Hanson is a psychologist and Senior Fellow of the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley who writes and teaches about the essential inner skills of personal well-being, psychological growth, and contemplative practice – as well as about relationships, family life, and raising children. With his wife Jan he wrote Mother Nurture: A Mother’s Guide to Health in Body, Mind, and Intimate Relationships. As a long time meditator, Rick became increasingly interested in the meeting of modern brain science and ancient contemplative practices, he went on to write Buddha’s Brain, Just One Thing, Hardwiring Happiness, Resilient, and Neurodharma.

Summary:
Dr. Rick Hanson talks to us about how to grow our resilience in ourselves and our kids. He talks about how to have an unshakable core of calm, especially when the circumstances in our life are stressful and we’re struggling even to meet basic needs for safety, satisfaction and connection. In tough times, it’s even more important to develop our own internal resources, such as grit, compassion, inner strength, patience, generosity, and confidence. Dr. Hanson shares some simple tools for where to start.

Links:

Website

Dr. Dan Siegel

Dr. Peter Gray

Free to Learn: Why Unleashing the Instinct to Play Will Make Our Children Happier, More Self-Reliant, and Better Students for Life

Dr. Peter Gray, a research professor of psychology at Boston College. His recent research focuses on the role of play in human evolution and how children educate themselves, through play and exploration. He wrote Free to Learn: Why Unleashing the Instinct to Play Will Make Our Children Happier, More Self-Reliant, and Better Students for Life, he also authors a regular blog called Freedom to Learn for Psychology Today magazine. His own play includes not only his writing and research, but also long distance bicycling, kayaking, cross country skiing, and vegetable gardening.

Summary:
Dr. Peter Gray talks about the importance of play and how it relates to learning. As a culture we have become obsessed with measuring children’s education with standardized tests and limiting their freedom with adult-led activities and homework. Dr. Gray explains that education is the sum of everything we have learned that makes life meaningful for each of us. Education is different for each person and it cannot be measured. Play is how kids learn and is an important part of what makes us human.

Links

Freedom to Learn Blog

Dr. Dan Siegel

Iris Chen

From Tiger Parenting to Peaceful Parenting and Unschooling: One Mother’s Journey to Self Awareness

Iris Chen is a blogger, unschooling mom, and founder of the Untigering movement. After seeing the negative effects of tiger parenting on her relationship with her children, she began to deconstruct her authoritarian ways. Now, she’s on a mission to empower others to untiger by promoting self-awareness, peaceful parenting, and educational freedom for children.

Summary:
Iris Chen shares her story about how she transitioned from Tiger Mom to Peaceful Parent. She talks about the importance of autonomy and self direction, and how how she motivates her kids to do their homeschooling. Iris also talks about when her son asked her to limit his screen time and why she told him “no”.

Links:

Website
Facebook Page

Do You want to Watch the conference?

25 videos, audio MP3 downloads, transcripts and all notes

Day Two

Dr. Dan Siegel

Kim John Payne

Being At Your Best When Your Kids Are At Their Worst

Kim John Payne has been quietly and passionately helping parents find do-able ways to build deep connections with their children that give families resilience and simple joy. Kim has been a trainer to independent and public schools, a school counselor, consultant, researcher, educator and a private family counselor. Kim has been featured on ABC, NBC, CBS, NPR, Time Magazine, the Chicago Tribune, Parenting, and the LA Times. He is the author of several books including Simplicity Parenting, The Soul of Discipline, and his most recent book Being At Your Best When Your Kids Are At Their Worst.

Summary:
In his new book, Kim John Payne writes that “how we handle the storms and struggles is what will ultimately define us in the eyes of our kids”. Kim says that when kids are angry that they are vulnerable and he shares a practice that we can use to break the cycle of action and reaction with our kids. The first step is to look at our own trigger points.

Links:

Website and Free Simplicity Starter Kit

Dr. Dan Siegel

Dr. Kelly Brogan

How Women Can Heal Their Bodies to Reclaim Their Lives

Dr. Kelly Brogan, is a holistic psychiatrist, author of A Mind of Your Own, and the founder of the online healing program Vital Mind Reset. She trained at NYU Medical Center and Cornell University Medical College. She is board certified in psychiatry, psychosomatic medicine, and integrative holistic medicine. She is a certified Kundalini Yoga teacher and a mother of two.

Summary:
We know from science that our emotions are contagious and our own mental health impacts our children. Dr. Kelly Brogan talks about how to take charge of our mental health with lifestyle medicine (whole food diet, sleep, exercise, meditation, etc) rather than prescription drugs. This conversation is relevant to anyone who is curious about improving and maintaining their health naturally.

Links:

Website and Book

Dr. Dan Siegel

Dr. Susan Pollak

Self-Compassion for Parents: Nurture Your Child by Caring for Yourself

Dr. Susan M. Pollak is a psychologist in private practice in Cambridge, Massachusetts. She is a longtime student of meditation and yoga who has been integrating the practices of meditation into psychotherapy since the 1980s. Susan is cofounder and teacher at the Center for Mindfulness and Compassion at Harvard Medical School. She has authored several books including her most recent, Self-Compassion for Parents: Nurture Your Child by Caring for Yourself.

Summary:
Dr. Susan Pollak has noticed that there is a lot of cultural anxiety about raising kids, and she wants to change that. While most parenting books are about how to fix our kids and help them to succeed, Susan takes a different approach in her book by encouraging parents to look at themselves. She shows us how mindfulness and self-compassion (focusing on ourselves) actually makes a difference with our kids. And she shares practical mindfulness tools that, within minutes, give us relief.

Links:

Website
Danish study
Exhausted parents article

Dr. Dan Siegel

Dayna Abraham

Parenting with a Partner When You Have a High Needs Child

Dayna Abraham is a National Board Certified teacher with a background in Early Childhood and the Founder of Lemonlime Adventures. As a teacher she always figured out ways to love the most intense and challenging kids in her classroom. After becoming a mother herself and seeing her own child not “fit” into school, she chose to homeschool and help other parents, of challenging and intense kids, to find their own super powers.

Jason Abraham, in addition to being IT support for Lemonlime Adventures, has a background in personal growth and mindset. He is known as the King of Awesome and Lemon Pickle.

Summary:
In this lively and heartfelt conversation, Dayna and Jason Abraham share the struggles and joys of parenting their blended family together. Based on the research of relationships, Dayna and Jason share a simple 4-step process to get on the same page with your partner and support each other.

Links:

Free Download

Dr. Dan Siegel

Dr. Lynyetta Willis

From Stable Misery to Parenting Joy in 5 Steps

Dr. Lynyetta Willis is a licensed psychologist who specialties in trauma; parenting and couples issues; mindfulness, stress reduction, and spiritually-centered therapy. She has provided therapy in a variety of settings including community mental health agencies, hospitals, and youth detention centers and been featured on television and radio. Dr. Willis currently provides online family coaching to help couples, parents, and individuals break free from stable misery.

Summary:
Perhaps most areas of your life are going well, but there are one or two areas that feel stuck. Maybe it’s your parenting, your marriage or something else, where your day-to-day is familiar but you’re living in a perpetual state of misery, unfulfillment, or unhappiness. This experience is what Dr. Lynyetta Willis calls stable misery. In this entertaining, not-to-be-missed conversation, Lynyetta shares 5 steps to break out of the misery and reconnect with our joy, even if you’re the only one in your family doing the work.

Links:

Website

Do You want to Watch the conference?

25 videos, audio MP3 downloads, transcripts and all notes

Day Three

Dr. Dan Siegel

Dr. Stuart Shanker

Self-Reg: How to Help Your Child Break the Stress Cycle and Successfully Engage With Life

Dr. Shanker is the Founder and Science Director of the Self-Regulation Institute and the CEO of The MEHRIT Centre. He has authored several books including “Calm, Alert and Learning: Classroom Strategies for Self-Regulation”, and most recently “Self-Reg: How to Help Your Child (and You) Break the Stress Cycle and Successfully Engage With Life”. Dr. Shanker has served as an advisor on early child development to government organizations across Canada, the United States, and other countries.

Summary:
Dr. Stuart Shanker says that self regulation is how kids (and adults) deal with stress. Self regulation skills are essential because there are healthy and unhealthy ways to deal with stress. When kids use technology–like social media, watching a video, or playing a game–to deal with stress they actually feel worse afterward, and the stress is still there. While kids who use exercise, art, or time with others, feel better afterward.

Links:

Website
Thayer Matrix

Dr. Dan Siegel

Dr. Laura Markham

Tech, Social Media, Emotional Health and Resilience

Dr. Laura Markham is the author of Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids and Peaceful Parent, Happy Siblings. She is the founding editor of AhaParenting which reaches over 140,000 parents per week. Dr. Laura’s aspiration is to change the world, one child at a time, by supporting parents.

Summary:

Dr. Laura Markham talks about how when kids are emotionally healthy, they aren’t as vulnerable to tech addiction. She shares developmentally appropriate recommendations for screen time at various ages and stages, and suggestions for building resilience. Dr. Laura talks about the value of your relationship with your children, communicating with them, and helping them develop self regulation.

Links:

Free Parenting Tools

Dr. Dan Siegel

Janell Burley Hofmann

iRules: What Every Tech-Healthy Family Needs to Know About Selfies, Sexting, Gaming and Growing Up

Janell Burley Hofmann is the author of the book, iRules: What Every Tech-Healthy Family Needs to Know About Selfies, Sexting, Gaming and Growing Up. She is also a speaker and consultant on topics like technology, media, health, relationships and personal growth. Janell serves families, schools and communities in a partnership that will positively impact the lives of children and teens.

Summary:

Janell Burley Hofmann talks about how we communicate to young children to protect them from what they might find online, and how we could talk to them afterward if we discover that they have been exposed to inappropriate content. Janell shares what kids need to know at each developmental level and also about the importance of a Tech Curfew.

Links:

Website

Dr. Dan Siegel

Suzanne Tucker

Making Connection a Habit in Families

Suzanne Tucker, mom of four, has been a physical therapist and parent educator for over 27 years. She founded Generation Mindful when she noticed that parents and educators were loving the science of positive discipline, but struggling to use the science practically in everyday life. In response, Suzanne created tangible, evidence based tools and toys that make connection a habit in homes and schools.

Summary:

Suzanne Tucker knows it’s important to help kids understand their feelings. She shares ideas about how to make connection into a habit and how to talk about feelings. Suzanne says that it’s essential to create physical and emotional spaces, where it’s okay for kids to feel all their feelings (rather than giving kids the message of “you go into the corner until you’re ready to listen”). Grounded in the science of social emotional intelligence and positive discipline, Suzanne’s tools and tips make everyday life easier for kids and their parents.

Links:

FREE FEELING BINGO ($9 VALUE)
WHEN YOU CHECKOUT USING CODE: TOTSFREEBINGO

Dr. Dan Siegel

Ellen Pritchard Dodge

The Communication Keys to Happier Kids and a Happier Home

Ellen Pritchard Dodge is an award winning speech language pathologist and a recognized leader in character education and communication skills in the classroom. She has published numerous books and articles about social emotional learning, taught extensively in public schools, served on Parenting Magazine’s Editorial Advisory Board, and worked with the Department of Defense Education Activity schools. Since 2008, she has been the educational director and curriculum author for Kimochis. She recently launched the Parenting Partner online to take her work with Kimochis from schools to homes and has designed a new curriculum for parents.

Summary:
Ellen Dodge’s presentation is wonderfully practical, especially if you have young children. She gives examples of what to do when a child is not listening, yelling or whining, eye rolling, flailing on the floor, or name calling. She talks about what to do when you make a mistake as a parent, or you find yourself judging your child, or when it all falls apart in your family. If these situations are familiar to you, don’t miss this lively conversation with Ellen Dodge about communication and social emotional learning.

Links:

7 Keys to Communication Free Download

Do You want to Watch the conference?

25 videos, audio MP3 downloads, transcripts and all notes

Day Four

Dr. Dan Siegel

Dr. John Duffy

Parenting the New Teen in the Age of Anxiety

Dr. John Duffy is a highly sought-after clinical psychologist, media expert, author of The Available Parent and the brand new Parenting the New Teen in the Age of Anxiety. He is the host of the popular Undue Anxiety podcast. Dr. Duffy has been working with individuals, couples, teens, and families for nearly twenty years. He is a regular parenting and relationship expert on Steve Harvey, WGN radio in Chicago and the Morning Blend on NBC TV.

Summary:
In his new book, Dr. John Duffy writes, “our kids are in an undue degree of psychic pain and they need an open dialogue. If we can get them talking, we can help ease their anxious minds.” John draws on his years of clinical practice to help us better understand the complex world that our adolescent children live in, remind us to increase the emotional bank account with our kids, and show us how to dialogue with our (sometimes reluctant) teens. What Dr. Duffy shares in this conversation, and in his book, helped us to understand our kids on a whole new level. John really “gets” what our kids are dealing with!

Links:

Website and Book

Dr. Dan Siegel

Dr. Christine Carter

The New Adolescence: Raising Happy and Successful Teens in an Age of Anxiety and Distraction

Dr. Christine Carter, author of The Sweet Spot and Raising Happiness, has a unique perspective on how we can find fulfillment, success, and lasting joy in our busy lives. At work, she translates the latest scientific findings–from positive psychology, sociology, research on productivity and elite performance, organizational and management theories, and neuroscience–into action plans for her readers.

Christine Carter is a sociologist and Senior Fellow at UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center, where for many years she was the Executive Director. After receiving her B.A. from Dartmouth College, where she was a Senior Fellow, Dr. Carter worked in marketing management and school administration, going on to receive her Ph.D. in sociology from UC Berkeley.

Dr. Carter has appeared on dozens of television and radio shows, including the “Oprah Winfrey Show,” the “TODAY” show, and “The Daily Show with Jon Stewart.” She has also been quoted or featured  in hundreds of newspapers and magazines, including The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, and Real Simple.

She lives with her husband, four kids, and dog Buster in Marin County, California.

Summary:
Dr. Christine Carter talks with us about why this generation of teens is closer to their parents than in previous generations, the downsides of that closeness, but also the bigger upside. We asked her how to use Motivational Interviewing–a powerful technique that help us empower our teens and change their minds. She told us about using Behavioral Plans with teens–how they work and what happens if it falls apart. And we asked her about teens using marijuana. She explained why smoking pot has increased among adolescents, how it affects the adolescent brain, and how to talk to teens about the risks.

Links:

Website

Dr. Dan Siegel

Dr. Deborah MacNamara

Rest, Play, Grow: Making Sense of Preschoolers

Dr. Deborah MacNamara is a Clinical Counsellor and Developmentalist. She is on Faculty at the Neufeld Institute and is the Director of Kid’s Best Bet, a counselling centre for families. She is the author of the best selling book Rest, Play, Grow: Making Sense of Preschoolers and she has just published her first children’s picture book, The Sorry Plane, about respecting the feelings of children and supporting their emotional development.

Summary:
Dr. Deborah MacNamara knows what young children need. She talks about the importance of attachment, relationship, independence, and how we can understand a child’s behavior (without letting our own emotions get in the way). Deborah helps make us make sense of our child’s development, and shares tools about how we can connect with our kids, and create a village around them in which they can thrive.

Links:

Website

Dr. Dan Siegel

Tosha Schore

Preserving Our Boys’ Ability to Feel: The Key to Raising Emotionally Intelligent Young Men

Tosha Schore is a parent coach, speaker and co-author with Hand in Hand Parenting founder, Patty Wipfler, of Listen: Five Simple Tools to Meet Your Everyday Parenting Challenges. Tosha is mom to three boys and an advocate for boys and their families worldwide. She is committed to creating lasting change in families and in the world by supporting parents to care for themselves, connect with their boys deeply, set limits lovingly, and play wildly. Tosha holds a BA in Women’s Studies & Language Studies from UCSC, an MA in Applied Linguistics from UCLA, and is a certified teacher and trainer of instructors in Parenting by Connection.

Summary:
Tosha Schore is the “go to” person when it comes to talking about boys and feelings. In this conversation, Tosha addresses why we shouldn’t tiptoe around boys and their feelings, what to do when a child doesn’t want to be comforted, and how to respond to rage. We appreciate Tosha’s wisdom and experience, as well as her emphasis on the importance of listening.

Links:

10-Day Reconnect

Free Coupon Code: happilyfamily

Dr. Dan Siegel

Keira Merkovsky

Using Awareness and Tools to Transform Triggers

Keira Merkovsky is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, Parent Educator, and the Founder of Relationship Cubed. Early in her career Keira recognized that while she valued her education and training, it was what she learned by overcoming challenging personal experiences, including severe postpartum depression, that made her great at helping others find inner peace, personal contentment, and joy in all of their relationships. She works in private practice in Southern California and lives with her husband and her two favorite teachers, her kids.

Summary:
One of the things that Keira Merkovsky does in her work with parents is to help them get out of a cycle… maybe their child “doesn’t listen”, then the parent yells, then the child gets upset, on and on. Keira shares the 3 steps parents can use to get out of any unhelpful cycle starting with our own awareness, clarifying our values, and using tools to regulate our emotions.

Links:

Website
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Day Five

Dr. Dan Siegel

Dr. Tina Payne Bryson

Showing Up for Your Kids: See Underneath Their Actions, Understand Their Feelings, and Connect With Them

Dr. Tina Payne Bryson is the author of Bottom Line for Baby, and with Dr. Dan Siegel she has co-authored of The Power of Showing Up, The Yes Brain, The Whole Brain Child, and No-Drama Discipline. Tina is a psychotherapist and the Founder and Executive Director of The Center for Connection and of The Play Strong Institute. Even more important than being a parenting educator and a researcher, Tina is a mom to three boys.

Summary:
In this conversation, Dr. Tina Payne Bryson draws on her deep knowledge of the brain, her clinical expertise and the wisdom gained by mothering 3 boys. Tina talks about how to take a deeper dive with our kids, to see what’s happening beneath the external world of their actions and behaviors. She shares with us some clues, so we can tell the difference between a child who can’t do something vs. a child who won’t do something. And she talks about how we can show up for our kids, even if our own caregiver didn’t really show up for us.

Links:

Website and Book

Dr. Dan Siegel

Cecilia and Jason Hilkey

Emotional and Social Life of Girls

Cecilia Hilkey is a pediatric occupational therapist. Jason Hilkey is an assistive technology specialist. Jason and Cecilia have worked professionally with children and families for over 20 years. Together they’ve taught compassionate communication to parents and educators, worked with children with special needs, and even taught together in the same preschool classroom. They founded Happily Family to help parents get support, and have fewer fights and more fun with the kids in their life. Their popular conferences, blog, parent coaching, and classes touch the lives of tens of thousands of people each week. They live in Oregon with their two 2 teen daughters.

Summary:
In this lively conversation, Cecilia and Jason Hilkey share the science of our social brain, how it impacts our girls who want to belong, have independence and feel competent. Jason and Cecilia share stories from their days teaching preschool together, as well as stories from their own home, raising their two teen daughters. Don’t miss this wide-ranging conversation covering gender and sexuality issues, how to connect with your girls and get them to talk, how to help your girls make good choices, avoid toxic friends and unhealthy relationships, how to handle body image and social media issues, and how to follow your intuition as a parent.

Links:

Conversation Starters for Girls 12-18 Years Old
Free Download

Dr. Dan Siegel

Jennifer Miller

Can We All Just Get Along: Using Fair Fighting Build Family Harmony

For over twenty five years, Jennifer Miller has worked with educators and families to help them become more effective with children through social and emotional learning, with coaching, curriculum development, consultation in Ohio and nationally. She is the author and illustrator of the blog and book, Confident Parents, Confident Kids.

Summary:
We appreciate the ease with which Jennifer Miller’s translates the science of parenting into practical and realistic tools for families. This conversation about fighting fairly applies to kids and adults of all ages. Her tools will help any family understand each other, process their feelings and problem solve together. Reassuringly, Jennifer says that “learning happens because of emotions, not in spite of them”.

Links:

Website and Book

Dr. Dan Siegel

Cindy Wang Brandt

Parenting Forward: How to Raise Children with Justice, Mercy, and Kindness

Cindy is progressive Christian writer and the author of Parenting Forward. She grew up as a conservative evangelical and during a radical faith shift, she also became a parent. Cindy writes about parenting, her evolving faith, and the slow, unseen labor of cultivating the values of hospitality, creativity, equality, social justice, and deep spirituality in the next generation.

Summary:
In her book, Cindy asks, “What if the solution to the world’s complex problems begins in our homes and local communities, by unlearning the patterns with which we have treated children and having the courage to change?” In this conversation, Cindy tells the story about how she shifted in her parenting and we talk about how parenting makes shifts in the world.

Links:

Family Bumper Sticker
Facebook Group

Dr. Dan Siegel

Coco Stanback

Three Key Strategies to End the Homework Wars

Coco Stanback is a Certified ADHD Coach and Certified Provider of Dr. Ross Greene’s Collaborative and Proactive Solutions. She trained with Dr. Greene in order to improve her relationship with her 2 sons–who both have ADHD and are now adults–along the way she saw that her skills and personal experience could also help others. She has now been coaching parents of high needs children for 10 years through her private practice at Heart 4 Kids Coaching.

Summary:
Coco Stanback knows that “kids do well when they can; when they can’t it’s because of unsolved problems and lagging skills”. Using Dr. Ross Greene’s CPS model, Coco helps parents identify the unsolved problems and lagging skills their kids might have in school or with homework. Coco talks about what we can do, as parents if we’re scared or attached to the outcome and how we can keep the relationship with our child at the center of our parenting.

Links:

3 Key Strategies to End the Homework Wars – Free Download

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