Happily Family Free Online Conference October 5-9
Cecilia and Jason Hilkey

Welcome To The Fall 2021

HAPPILY FAMILY ONLINE CONFERENCE NOTES

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25 videos, audio MP3 downloads, transcripts and all notes

Day One

Dr. Daniel Siegel

Dr. Daniel Siegel

Empathy, Attachment, and Knowing Our Kids

Dr. Daniel Siegel is a clinical professor of psychiatry at the UCLA School of Medicine and the Executive Director of the Mindsight Institute. He has authored or co-authored several books including Parenting from the Inside Out, The Whole-Brain Child, No Drama Discipline, Brainstorm, The Yes Brain, and The Power of Showing Up.

Summary:
As parents, we have an opportunity to not only care for children’s physical bodies and their behaviors but to also care for their internal world. When we pay attention to a child’s mind (feelings, experiences, insights), it helps them develop empathy and compassion. Empathy is a teachable skill that kids learn when they imagine what it is like to be another person. How do we teach compassion at various ages? How do we help kids to understand and calm their feelings? How do we continue to be curious about who our kids are, and who they are becoming?

Links:

Dr. Dan Siegel’s website – www.drdansiegel.com

Dr. Laura Markham
Dr. Laura Markham

Effective Alternatives to Rewards and Consequences

Dr. Laura Markham is the author of Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids and Peaceful Parent, Happy Siblings. She is the founding editor of AhaParenting which reaches over 140,000 parents per week. Dr. Laura’s aspiration is to change the world, one child at a time, by supporting parents.

Summary:
Parents are stressed right now. Many families are still dealing with the effects of the pandemic. During stressful times, it may feel tempting to move away from peaceful parenting techniques and use punishments or rewards instead. Will incentives motivate our kids to get stuff done? Do rewards make kids more productive? Do consequences make parenting easier? Dr. Laura Markham talks about rewards and consequences, why they don’t actually work, and what parents can do instead.

Links:

Meditation for Stressful Times

Dr. Carrie Contey
Dr. Carrie Contey

Tune Up & Tune In to Ourselves and Our Kids

Carrie Contey, PhD is a parenting coach, speaker and author. Her background in prenatal and perinatal psychology offers a unique perspective on children, parenting, family life and what it means to be a healthy, happy, whole human being. In her work with thousands of parents all over the world, she guides, supports and inspires her clients to live with a wide-open and courageous heart so that they can approach parenting with both skill and spaciousness.

Summary:
What do you do when you get triggered (you know you’re reacting maybe to an event or feeling from the past) and you’re struggling to keep yourself present and control your behavior (or emotions) in the moment? Dr. Carrie Contey talks about how to tune in to yourself–your “deeper knowing”–and how tuning in can guide your parenting and your life. She shares ideas about how to tune in proactively, but also how to tune in during the heat of the moment when things are tough.

Links:

Website

Dr. Michele Borba
Dr. Michele Borba

Thrivers: Why Some Kids Struggle and Others Shine

Dr. Michele Borba is an internationally recognized educational psychologist and expert in bullying, social-emotional learning, and character development. Michele has spoken to over one million participants on five continents. She has appeared on TODAY, Dateline, The View, Dr. Phil, CNN, MSNBC, Dr. Oz, Dr. Drew, and The Early Show, among others, and is the author of 24 books. Dr. Borba’s latest book is called Thrivers: The Surprising Reasons Why Some Kids Struggle and Others Shine.

Summary:
Dr. Michele Borba looked at the child development research to see why some kids were thriving and others were not. She noticed that a group of kids were doing quite well despite growing up in very difficult situations (poverty, a parent with mental illness, trauma, etc). She discovered that resilience (rather than being an innate skill) can actually be taught and developed over a lifetime. Michele distilled the research down to 7 Character Strengths that help children flourish mentally, morally, and emotionally. She shares practical tools for how we can help our kids develop these qualities.

Links

Book – Thrivers: The Surprising Reasons Why Some Kids Struggle and Others Shine

Tracy Gillett
Tracy Gillett

Natural Parenting: Trusting in Your Child, Yourself, and Nature

Tracy is the founder and writer behind the award-winning blog, Raised Good, a guide to natural parenting in the modern world. Tracy is known for holding space for conversation while supporting a global community and sharing evidence-based research that helps us make sense of what we viscerally know to be true. She lives in Vancouver, BC with her family.

Summary:
Tracy Gillett talks about her personal journey of how she learned to tune in to her inner wisdom and use natural parenting. She shares how to use mother nature to make parenting easier, how to have gentleness with yourself when you make a mistake, and how to help your baby sleep… all coming from the perspective of natural parenting.

Links:

5 Myths Surrounding Infant Sleep That You Can Safely Ignore As a New (or Not So New) Parent

Do You want to Watch the conference?

25 videos, audio MP3 downloads, transcripts and all notes

Day Two

Kim John Payne

Kim John Payne

Being At Your Best When Your Kids Are At Their Worst

Kim John Payne has been quietly and passionately helping parents find do-able ways to build deep connections with their children that give families resilience and simple joy. Kim has been a trainer to independent and public schools, a school counselor, consultant, researcher, educator and a private family counselor. Kim has been featured on ABC, NBC, CBS, NPR, Time Magazine, the Chicago Tribune, Parenting, and the LA Times. He is the author of several books including Simplicity Parenting, The Soul of Discipline, and his most recent book Being At Your Best When Your Kids Are At Their Worst.

Summary:
It’s no question that kids can push our buttons and in those moments it appears that the child is being disobedient. Kim John Payne says, “I’ve never met a disobedient child; I’ve only met a disoriented one.” Kim explains that when kids are emotionally disoriented, no matter what their age is, they echolocate off of us to regain their emotional bearings. Kim elegantly describes how we can be with our child in those difficult moments, without even using words, to help our kids orient themselves again. This is a beautiful conversation with Kim John Payne. He is someone who understands children and parents very deeply. Do not miss this presentation.

Links:

Free Simplicity Starter Kit

Coco Stanback

Coco Stanback

5 Ways to Solve Disconnection

Coco Stanback is a Certified ADHD Coach and Certified Provider of Dr. Ross Greene’s Collaborative and Proactive Solutions. She trained with Dr. Greene in order to improve her relationship with her 2 sons–who both have ADHD and are now adults–along the way she saw that her skills and personal experience could also help others. She has now been coaching parents of high needs children for 10 years through her private practice at Heart 4 Kids Coaching.

Summary:
Coco Stanback talks about how to use radical acceptance, non-judgment, curiosity, focus, and collaboration when parenting children with challenging behaviors. She shares personal stories about how she has used these concepts with her own sons during various struggles that they faced. You will appreciate Coco’s warmth, humility, reassuring presence, and her simple, do-able suggestions to build more connection in your family.

Links:

FREE Guide “5 Ways To Build A Strong Connection With Your Child”

Suzanne Tucker

Suzanne Tucker

How to Shift from “Time Outs” to “Time Ins” with Your Toddler or Teen

Suzanne Tucker, mom of four, has been a physical therapist and parent educator for over 27 years. She founded Generation Mindful when she noticed that parents and educators were loving the science of positive discipline, but struggling to use the science practically in everyday life. In response, Suzanne created tangible, evidence based tools and toys that make connection a habit in homes and schools.

Summary:
Going from “time outs” to “time ins” is a monumental shift in not just parenting but also our culture. For a young child, a time out means, “You did a bad thing. You are a bad person”. For a young child who is wired for attachment, this message is very difficult to hear and understand. When parents use time-ins, the message is, “You did something bad because you are feeling bad. I’m here to support you, help you, and love you through this”. If you want to use time-ins, have a deep understanding of your kids and warm connection with them, this conversation with Suzanne Tucker is the place to start. Suzanne’s warmth and compassion are infectious.

Links:

Free Virtual Calming Space

Keira Merkovsky

Keira Merkovsky

How to Manage Your Child’s Emotions (and Your Own)

Keira Merkovsky is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, Parent Educator, and the Founder of Relationship Cubed. Early in her career Keira recognized that while she valued her education and training, it was what she learned by overcoming challenging personal experiences, including severe postpartum depression, that made her great at helping others find inner peace, personal contentment, and joy in all of their relationships. She works in private practice in Southern California and lives with her husband and her two favorite teachers, her kids.

Summary:
This interview with Keira Merkovsky will leave you reassured and relieved. Keira covers several topics including how to manage the amount of uncertainty there is in life and parenting, how to manage the expectations that you have for yourself and your kids, how to be calm for your kids even when they are losing it, how to handle your child’s undesirable behaviors, and how to take a break from a conversation that is getting too heated. Keira explains the purpose of feelings and gives practical steps to calm them.

Links:

Free copy of My Calming Compass

Tosha Schore

Tosha Schore

Addressing Kid’s Aggressive Behavior & Our Triggers

Tosha Schore is a parent coach, speaker and co-author with Hand in Hand Parenting founder, Patty Wipfler, of Listen: Five Simple Tools to Meet Your Everyday Parenting Challenges. Tosha is mom to three boys and an advocate for boys and their families worldwide. She is committed to creating lasting change in families and in the world by supporting parents to care for themselves, connect with their boys deeply, set limits lovingly, and play wildly. Tosha holds a BA in Women’s Studies & Language Studies from UCSC, an MA in Applied Linguistics from UCLA, and is a certified teacher and trainer of instructors in Parenting by Connection. Photo credit: “In Her Image.”

Summary:
When a child is acting aggressively what is actually going on? Do parents sometimes respond and make aggression worse? If so, what can parents do instead? Tosha Schore talks about how when children are behaving aggressively it’s often because they are scared. As parents, we can get scared too, and react to our child’s behavior in unhelpful ways, especially if our child is a boy. Tosha shares how to effectively address aggressive behavior while in heat of the moment or outside the moment. Parents of boys, this talk is especially for you!

Links:

Free course “Parenting Boys Peacefully: A 10-Day Reconnect!
After the Sign Up button, click “Have a coupon?” and enter: happilyfamily

Do You want to Watch the conference?

25 videos, audio MP3 downloads, transcripts and all notes

Day Three

Jessica Lahey
Jessica Lahey

How to Prevent Addiction

Jessica Lahey is a teacher, writer, and mom. She writes about education, parenting, and child welfare for The Atlantic, Vermont Public Radio, and the New York Times and is the author of The Gift of Failure: How the Best Parents Learn to Let Go So Their Children Can Succeed and The Addiction Inoculation: Raising Healthy Kids in a Culture of Dependence.

Summary:
Jessica Lahey wrote an incredibly important book about how to prevent kids from getting addicted to substances. Jess talks about how you can “stack the odds in your favor” to prevent substance use and abuse by having conversations with your kids, educating them, and helping your kids to understand the risk factors (especially if there is addiction in the family, mental illness, or adverse childhood experiences). She demonstrates a few of the conversations about substances you can have with kids at different ages, starting with preschool-aged kids. Jess also talks about the adolescent brain and why it’s so important to postpone–as long as possible–the first time a teen uses alcohol or drugs.

Links:

Website

Leslie P. Arreola-Hillenbrand
Leslie P. Arreola-Hillenbrand

Nonviolent Parenting, Limit Setting, and the Power of Empathy

Leslie Arreola-Hillenbrand is a first-generation non-Black Chicana mother to three biracial children, with a dual degree in Child Development & Family Studies, and Family Life Education. She founded Latinx Parenting–a bilingual organization and movement rooted in children’s rights, social and racial justice, the practice of nonviolence and reparenting, and intergenerational and ancestral healing–where she offers workshops, support, and advocacy for Latinx/Chicanx families locally, nationally, and internationally.

Summary:
Leslie Arreola-Hillenbrand talks about decolonizing parenting, what that means, why that is important work not just for black and brown families, but also for white parents too, to recognize the power structures that we are living in and working against. At least for some groups, the traditional parenting paradigm of having “power over” children (that has been passed down from generations) comes from colonization, not from culture. Our conversation with Leslie touches on white supremacy, adult supremacy, reparenting, releasing stories of shame, intergenerational and ancestral healing, limit setting, and how we parent our children with empathy rather than having “power over” them.

Links:

Upcoming Events

Mercedes Samudio
Mercedes Samudio

Stop Shaming and Comparing Yourself–and Your Kids–And Embrace Your Life

Mercedes Samudio, LCSW is a parent coach, speaker, and bestselling author who helps parents and children communicate with each other, manage emotional trauma, navigate social media and technology together, and develop healthy parent-child relationships. Mercedes started the #EndParentShaming movement as well as coined the term Shame-Proof Parenting – using both to bring awareness to ending parent shame.

Summary:
Mercedes Samudio says if we compare our family to other people’s families–in real life and on social media–that we often feel “not good enough”. And if we compare our family to the “American ideal” (white, cis, heterosexual, affluent, two-parent household, with biological children) again we feel “not good enough”. Mercedes urges us instead to tune in to our own values, create space for our child’s mistakes and our mistakes, and to seek out more diversity in who we go to for parenting advice.

Links:

Shame-Proof Parenting book

Rosetta Lee
Rosetta Lee

Diversity, Equity, Inclusion, and Social Justice

Rosetta Lee is on faculty at Seattle Girls’ School, she is an outreach specialist who presents at the local and national level, and she is a diversity speaker who addresses cross cultural communication, identity development, implicit and unconscious bias, gender and sexuality diversity, and bullying. Rosetta has worked with over 300 K-12 public and independent schools throughout the country, as well as a number of colleges and universities.

Summary:
We were really excited to talk to Rosetta Lee because, especially for many of the white parents that we talk to, there is a desire to talk more about race, anti-racism, social justice, and bias but also uncertainty about how to begin these conversations. Rosetta says that schools and neighborhoods are less diverse today than they were before desegregation, and also that kids notice racial differences–and begin to show a racial preference–by 10 months of age. So if we want to change systemic racism we need to start with our kids, in conversations, educating ourselves, and addressing (even imperfectly) this critical topic. Rosetta shows ways to talk about race and racism in this inspiring yet practical conversation.

Links:

Materials, Resources, Workshops

Raising Race Conscious Kids

Kristen Jenson
Kristen Jenson

Protecting Young Kids from Pornography

Kristen Jenson is the #1 best-selling author of the ​Good Pictures Bad Pictures read-aloud books, the executive producer of the Brain Defense: Digital Safety curriculum, and the founder of DefendYoungMinds.com.

Summary:
Kids are getting exposed to pornography online at younger and younger ages. If you are worried about your children and want to make sure that you have given them the best protection possible, listen to this interview with Kristen Jenson. We ask her how to start talking to kids at various ages about the dangers. She explains how kids can develop their own personal “internal filter” and what to do if kids get exposed to pornography. Kristen talks about social media, computer filters, how porn can become an actual addiction, and how we protect our kids. Please join us for this important conversation.

Links:

Defend Young Minds guides

Do You want to Watch the conference?

25 videos, audio MP3 downloads, transcripts and all notes

Day Four

Dr. John Duffy
Dr. John Duffy

Parenting a Teen in an Anxious World

Dr. John Duffy is a highly sought-after clinical psychologist, media expert, author of The Available Parent and Parenting the New Teen in the Age of Anxiety. He is the host of the popular Undue Anxiety podcast. Dr. Duffy has been working with individuals, couples, teens, and families for nearly twenty years. He is a regular parenting and relationship expert on Steve Harvey, WGN radio in Chicago and the Morning Blend on NBC TV.

Summary:
How do you attune with your kids–especially your teen–without getting on the “roller coaster” of their moods? Parenting is more complicated now than it was a generation ago. If you are parenting a teen, they are growing up in a different world than you did (with social media, e-cigarettes, etc). Dr. John Duffy talks about how to be the parent whose child comes to you with issues (rather than always going to their peers), how to not freak out when your child tells you stuff that’s hard to hear, and how to work with your teen to support them through tough times.

Links:

Website

Dr. Ann-Louise Lockhart
Dr. Ann-Louise Lockhart

Highly Sensitive Kids: Regulation, Anger, and Screens

Dr. Ann-Louise Lockhart is a Pediatric Psychologist. She is Board Certified in Clinical Child and Adolescent Psychology. She is the Founder and Owner of A New Day Pediatric Psychology. Originally from St. Croix in the U.S. Virgin Islands, she considers herself a “dual-citizen” of Texas and the Caribbean. She specializes in treating ADHD, Depression, Anxiety, and medical diagnoses.

Summary:
Dr. Ann-Louise Lockhart describes highly sensitive kids, the 10-15% of the population is more sensitive to noise, social situations, transitions, smells, etc. She talks about how you can parent a highly sensitive child, why you don’t want to “toughen them up”, how to help your child regulate their feelings, and how to help your child develop a secure attachment. We also have a great conversation about what to do if you and your partner don’t agree on parenting, even if you don’t have a highly sensitive child, you won’t want to miss this part!

Links:

Website

Dayna Abraham
Dayna Abraham

Raising a High Needs Child without Losing Yourself

Dayna Abraham is a National Board Certified teacher with a background in Early Childhood and the Founder of Lemonlime Adventures. As a teacher she always figured out ways to love the most intense and challenging kids in her classroom. After becoming a mother herself and seeing her own child not “fit” into school, she chose to homeschool and help other parents, of challenging and intense kids, to find their own super powers.

Summary:
Talking with Dayna Abraham is like drinking straight from a well of goodness. In this conversation, we dive deep into how to be the parent of an intense child. Get ready to receive lots of compassion, but also to get some genius quick strategies–that you can actually d0–even if you are in survival mode, haven’t slept well, are recovering from the pandemic, or haven’t had enough coffee! Dayna breaks down why things are falling apart and gently gives us the pieces to put it all back together again.

Links:

Facebook page

Seth Perler
Seth Perler

Executive Functioning and Supporting the Struggling Student

Seth Perler is a teacher turned Education Coach, who specializes in Executive Function and 2e. He helps struggling students navigate the educational landscape while doing his part to “disrupt” and improve education.

Summary:
Seth Perler says that in our society there is a huge misunderstanding happening with kids who struggle in school. It’s the difference between “can’t” vs “won’t”. When kids are struggling, most often the assumption is that they “won’t” pay attention, get their work done, or push themselves. However, in Seth’s work with tons of bright-but-struggling kids, he sees kids who want to do all those great things, but who can’t (for various reasons, in that particular moment). How do we develop the kind of relationship with our struggling kids so that we can understand what is really going on for them and problem solve together? This is what Seth talks about! If your child is struggling in school, get ready for a fast-paced, inspiring, and practical conversation.

Links:

Free Toolkit

Debbie Reber
Debbie Reber

How to Raise a Differently Wired Child

Debbie Reber is a parenting activist, New York Times bestselling author, keynote speaker, and the founder of TiLT Parenting, a website, top podcast, and social media community for parents who are raising differently wired children. Her newest book is Differently Wired: Raising an Exceptional Child in a Conventional World.

Summary:
What happens when your child is different than what you expect? Is differently wired? Has mental health struggles or academic struggles in school? As a parent how do we accept and support our child especially with their education? We ask Debbie about her ideas and specific strategies for struggling students. We talk about different approaches towards education including homeschooling and unschooling.

Links:

Differently Wired 7 Day Challenge

Tilt Education (to sign up for my PDF on How to Choose a School)

Do You want to Watch the conference?

25 videos, audio MP3 downloads, transcripts and all notes

Day Five

Dr. Tina Payne Bryson
Dr. Tina Payne Bryson

How Stories, Emotions, Play & Connection Help Kids’ Minds Develop

Dr. Tina Payne Bryson is the author of Bottom Line for Baby, and with Dr. Dan Siegel she has co-authored of The Power of Showing Up, The Yes Brain, The Whole Brain Child, and No-Drama Discipline. Tina is a psychotherapist and the Founder and Executive Director of The Center for Connection and of The Play Strong Institute. Even more important than being a parenting educator and a researcher, Tina is a mom to three boys.

Summary:
Dr. Tina Payne Bryson’s books are full of hopeful messages to parents that everyday moments matter and the work you are doing, as a parent, matters. She talks about how you can help your child make sense of their world (and why this is important), how you don’t have to be perfect, how to use stories and play in your family, what to do when you (or your kids) are flooded with emotions. We appreciate Tina’s personal stories, research-backed strategies, and her reassurance.

Links:

The Whole Brain Child book website

Cecilia & Jason Hilkey
Cecilia & Jason Hilkey

Resilience, Autonomy, and Self-Motivation

For over 20 years, Cecilia and Jason Hilkey have worked together… they’ve taught compassionate communication to parents and educators, worked with children with special needs, and even taught in the same preschool classroom. They founded Happily Family to help parents get emotional support, clear up communication, and create connection in families. Their popular conferences, blog, parent coaching, and classes touch the lives of over 100 thousand parents each week. They have 2 teen daughters.

Summary:
Cecilia and Jason discuss 5 Steps to Solve Any Parenting Challenge. How to use strategies and techniques that you have read or learned in any situation.

Links:

Calming Plan Download

Renee Jain
Julie Lythcott-Haims

How to Be an Adult

Julie Lythcott-Haims is the New York Times bestselling author of How to Raise an Adult. She authored Real American, her critically-acclaimed award-winning memoir about her experience as a Black and biracial person in white spaces. Her third book, Your Turn: How to Be an Adult, was just released this year. Julie is a mother, former Stanford dean, and corporate lawyer.

Summary:
This is an interview you can watch with your teen! Julie Lythcott-Haims talks about how to be yourself, find meaningful work, and take reasonable risks to follow your dreams. Julie shares her own personal story… first following what society valued before she learned to follow her own voice and choose what direction she wanted her life to take. Julie also shares several stories of other people and how they’ve made their way in the world and dealt with obstacles they encountered. This conversation touches on self-love, self-direction, courage, listening to your own wisdom, and moving forward despite your fears.

Links:

Your Turn: How To Be An Adult book excerpt

Dr. William Stixrud / Ned Johnson
Dr. William Stixrud / Ned Johnson

What Do You Say to Help Kids Be Resilient and Self Motivated

Dr. William Stixrud and Ned Johnson have co-authored The Self Driven Child and their brand new book What Do You Say?

Dr. William Stixrud is a clinical neuropsychologist and a faculty member at Children’s National and the George Washington University School of Medicine. He lectures widely on the adolescent brain, motivation, and the effects of stress, sleep deprivation, and technology overload on the brain.

Ned Johnson is the founder of PrepMatters, a tutoring service in Washington, DC. He is a sought after speaker and teen coach for study skills, parent-teen dynamics, ad anxiety management and his work has been featured on NPR, the U.S. News and World Report, Time, the Washington Post and the Wall Street Journal.

Summary:
As parents we want our children to be happy, but often we push them towards things that don’t actually create lasting happiness, like good grades in school, top-rated universities, and high-paying jobs. The things that create the most happiness, according to the research, are deep connection with other people, belonging and purpose, meaning, engagement, and fulfillment. In this conversation with Dr. William Stixrud and Ned Johnson, they talk about how to raise kids who are happy and fulfilled, who are self-motivated, who are resilient during tough times, and who have meaning and purpose in their lives.

Links:

What Do You Say? book website

Jenny Woo
Jenny Woo

The Why and How of Social Emotional Learning

Jenny Woo is a Harvard-trained educator, cognitive science researcher, executive coach, and mom of three. She conducts research in social-emotional learning, emotion regulation, and resilience. She is the creator of a series of award-winning life skills games. Her games have been featured by Harvard University and CASEL, won the 2018 Parents’ Choice Awards, and are used by parents, teachers, counselors, and therapists in over 50 countries.

Summary:
Jenny Woo talks about social-emotional learning and why it’s important for our kids, now and in the future. A big part of social-emotional learning is self-awareness, regulating feelings, and having empathy for others. Jenny shares tools for kids and adults to cope with uncomfortable feelings. The genius of Jenny’s social-emotional tools is that they make these invisible, mental processes more tangible and understandable.

Links:

Website

Card Decks:
52 Essential Conversations
52 Essential Relationships
52 Essential Critical Thinking Skills
52 Essential Coping Skills

Do You want to Watch the conference?

25 videos, audio MP3 downloads, transcripts and all notes

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