Happily Family Free Online Conference October 5-9
Cecilia and Jason Hilkey

Welcome To The Fall 2020

HAPPILY FAMILY ONLINE CONFERENCE NOTES

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25 videos, audio MP3 downloads, transcripts and all notes

Day One

Dr. Dan Siegel

Dr. Daniel Siegel

Connecting with Kids and Helping Them Cope in Uncertain Times

Dr. Daniel Siegel is a clinical professor of psychiatry at the UCLA School of Medicine and the Executive Director of the Mindsight Institute. He has authored or co-authored several books including Parenting from the Inside Out, the Whole Brain Child, No Drama Discipline, Brainstorm, The Yes Brain, and The Power of Showing Up.

Summary:
Parents are under a lot of stress right now. It feels like we need a whole new set of parenting tools to handle the pandemic, racial justice, distance learning, wildfires and hurricanes, climate change, economic and political uncertainty. Dr. Dan Siegel offers reassuring advice and tools for parents who want to show up for their kids, connect with themselves and others, and validate their feelings. He reminds us that we are all connected, as part of a “mwe”.

Links:

Website

Ali Smith

Ali Smith

Using Mindfulness with Kids in Uncertain Times

Ali Smith is the Co-Founder of the Holistic Life Foundation. Since in 2001, the Holistic Life Foundation has led yoga and mindfulness programs at public and private schools, drug treatment centers, juvenile detention centers, mental crisis facilities, and retreat centers, nationally and internationally. Holistic Life Foundation has been featured on NBC, CNN, CBS, O the Oprah Magazine, The Washington Post, Upworthy, and other publications.

Summary:
Ali Smith, and the Holistic Life Foundation, know how to breathe love into a community. Research says that children and adolescents who grow up in poor neighborhoods do less well on a range of social, emotional, cognitive, and developmental outcomes. Traumatic and stressful experiences, that range from major life events to daily hassles, are risk factors for a range of psychological problems. Yoga and mindfulness can help kids and parents to manage these stressors. Ali talks about how to start.

Links:

Holistic Life Foundation
The Involution Group

Suzanne Tucker

Suzanne Tucker

The Truth About “Love” & Protecting Kids From Becoming the Victim or the Bully

Suzanne Tucker, mom of four, has been a physical therapist and parent educator for over 27 years. She founded Generation Mindful when she noticed that parents and educators were loving the science of positive discipline, but struggling to use the science practically in everyday life. In response, Suzanne created tangible, evidence based tools and toys that make connection a habit in homes and schools.

Summary:
Suzanne explains that in parenting, how we define love makes a difference to our kids. If our children believe that love is something that they get from others, they have to earn it, and they can lose it, then love is conditional, and our children have to be good, achieve, and do things to deserve love. If our children believe that love comes from themselves, it lives inside them, flows from them, then love is empowering and unconditional. Suzanne shares how to create unconditional love with our kids and ourselves in practical ways.

Links:

Free reading of the book “Heart’s Treasure Hunt”

Meena Srinivasan

Meena Srinivasan

Using Mindfulness to Cope with Stress and Overwhelm

Meena Srinivasan is a National Board Certified Teacher, the author of Teach, Breathe, Learn: Mindfulness In and Out of the Classroom, and a South Asian-American edupreneur with deep expertise in the fields of Social and Emotional Learning and Mindfulness in Education. She is the Founding Executive Director of Transformative Educational Leadership, an empowering, racially and culturally diverse, compassion-centered program for educational leaders to integrate mindfulness-based, social, emotional, and ethical learning into schools.

Summary:
Meena Srinivasan talks about mindfulness, what it is, and why we need it right now, with everything that is going on in the world. She shares some strategies for beginners who are just starting with their mindfulness practice, and more experienced practitioners. Meena tells us about her favorite ways to do self-care, calm feelings, have gratitude, and cultivate joy.

Links

Meena Srinivasan’s website

Todd and Cathy Adams

Todd and Cathy Adams

White Parents Talking about Racial Injustice and Doing Our Own Deep Work

Cathy is a self-awareness expert, podcast host, & author focused on parenting and the personal empowerment of women and young girls. She’s a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, Certified Parent Coach, Certified Elementary School Teacher, Certified Yoga Teacher, and she teaches in the Sociology Department at Dominican University and Elmhurst College.

Todd is the co-host of the Zen Parenting Radio podcast and a certified life coach who focuses on supporting guys in finding a healthy work/family balance. He focuses on marriage, parenting, career, overall self-awareness and life enjoyment.

Summary:
Cathy and Todd Adams talk about spiritual bypassing, how sometimes people use “spiritual concepts” to avoid doing the deeper work that is uncomfortable. Spiritual bypassing is sometimes used by white people to avoid talking about uncomfortable topics like race, inequality, or privilege. Companies and politicians have been talking, protests have been happening, but alongside this, we need to change ourselves. As white people we can do better educating ourselves, listening to people of color, learning from our kids–or alongside them–to uncover bias, judgments, and work for equality, and amplify diverse voices.

Links:

Zen Parenting website

3 lists of anti-racist books for parents and kids:
NY Times
NY Magazine
Marie Claire

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25 videos, audio MP3 downloads, transcripts and all notes

Day Two

Dr. Lynyetta Willis

Dr. Lynyetta Willis

How to Transform your Parenting Triggers

Dr. Lynyetta Willis is a licensed psychologist who specialties in trauma; parenting and couples issues; mindfulness, stress reduction, and spiritually-centered therapy. She has provided therapy in a variety of settings including community mental health agencies, hospitals, and youth detention centers and been featured on television and radio. Dr. Willis currently provides online family coaching to help couples, parents, and individuals break free from stable misery.

Summary:
Dr. Lynyetta Willis talks about triggers–what parenting triggers are and what you can do instead. She explains why doing deep breathing instead of yelling probably won’t work in the long term. And she shares a model of powerful 4-steps that you can use to transform your triggers, starting now, for the long term!

Links:

Trigger Transformation Toolkit

Gemma Hartley

Gemma Hartley

Emotional Labor, Women, & the Way Forward

Gemma Hartley is a writer, reporter, mom of 3, and she is the author of Fed Up: Emotional Labor, Women, and the Way Forward. Her book brought long overdue awareness to the daunting reality of emotional labor that falls disproportionately and unfairly on all women. She writes about various topics and has been featured in Harper’s Bazaar, Women’s Health, Glamour, The Washington Post, CNBC, Redbook, Cosmopolitan, Good Housekeeping, and The Huffington Post.

Summary:
With everything going on in the world, moms right now are more stressed than ever. For years, Gemma Hartley has been talking about the toll of the emotional labor that moms do. She shares some ideas about how we got here, what we can do to move forward, and why right now is actually the perfect time to be looking at how to get more equity in our relationships!

Links:

Fed Up: Emotional Labor, Women, and the Way Forward book website

Leslie P. Arreola-Hillenbrand

Leslie P. Arreola-Hillenbrand

Nonviolent Parenting and Intergenerational Healing

Leslie Arreola-Hillenbrand is a first-generation non-Black Chicana mother to three biracial children, with a dual degree in Child Development & Family Studies, and Family Life Education. She founded Latinx Parenting–a bilingual organization and movement rooted in children’s rights, social and racial justice, the practice of nonviolence and reparenting, and intergenerational and ancestral healing–where she offers workshops, support, and advocacy for Latinx/Chicanx families locally, nationally, and internationally.

Summary:
Leslie Arreola-Hillenbrand talks about the inner work of parenting. She empowers Latinx/Chicanx families–and others–to adopt peaceful and non-violent practices. Leslie shares a message of hope–we don’t have to be perfect parents and it’s never too late. We can reparent ourselves to heal our children, and connect to future and past generations.

Links:

Latinx Parenting patreon link

Leslie Potter

Leslie Potter

Healthy Boundaries and Big Feelings

Leslie Potter is a trained therapist, parent coach and mama extraordinaire. She supports parents to explore and deepen their conscious parenting journey, helping them to find their internal strengths as a parent instead of using techniques to control their child’s behavior, while opening hearts and minds to the power of healthy separation and connection. She is the creator of “Parenting Paused” a parenting podcast sharing the journey of parents as they transform their relationships with their child as well as the founder and creator of the Purejoy Parenting model. Her greatest adventure has been riding the waves of relationship alongside her amazing daughter while learning to “grow” herself up to be the parent she always wanted to be.

Summary:
This presentation is for you if you’ve ever struggled to set a boundary or handle your child’s intense feelings. Leslie Potter talks about emotional maturity–what it is and how we help our kids to develop it. Talking with Leslie is always a breath of fresh air. She talks about healthy boundaries, why protecting kids from their feelings is a mistake, and how kids develop resilience and adaptability.

Links:

Free Gifts

Dr. Ross Greene

Dr. Ross Greene

Beyond Behavior: Why Kids “Act Out” & How To Help

Ross is the originator of the innovative, empirically-supported approach now known as Collaborative & Proactive Solutions (CPS), as described in his influential books The Explosive Child and Lost at School. Dr. Greene served on the teaching faculty at Harvard Medical School for over 20 years, and is currently adjunct associate professor in the Department of Psychology at Virginia Tech. He is also the Founding Director of the non-profit Lives in the Balance, which provides free, web-based resources on the CPS model; support and advocacy for behaviorally challenging kids and their caregivers; takes a strong stand against the use of corporal punishment at home and school, the use of restraint and seclusion in schools and restrictive therapeutic facilities, and the use of detention, suspension, and expulsion in schools, preschools, and daycare settings; and advocates for interventions that are non-punitive and non-adversarial. Dr. Greene lectures and provides consultation to families, schools, and restrictive therapeutic facilities throughout the world and lives in Portland, Maine, with his wife and two kids.

Summary:
Dr. Ross Greene says, “Challenging behavior occurs when the demands and expectations being placed upon a child outstrip the skills he has to respond adaptively.” We ask Dr. Ross Greene about some examples–submitted by real parents–to understand what might be the cause of their child’s challenging behaviors including hitting, avoiding, and difficulty making friends.

Links:

Sign up for the newsletter

Lives in the Balance website

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25 videos, audio MP3 downloads, transcripts and all notes

Day Three

Janine Halloran

Janine Halloran

Coping Skills for Teens with Anxiety, Stress, and Anger

Janine Halloran is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor, the founder of Coping Skills for Kids, and a mom of 2. For the past 20 years she has worked primarily with children and adolescents and she’s seen the value of learning healthy coping skills early in life, so kids will be more resilient and manage stress better as they grow up. Janine’s books–Coping Skills for Kids and Coping Skills for Teens–have activities and resources to help kids and teens learn to cope with the daily challenges of life.

Summary:
Teens are experiencing more stress than in previous generations. Teens also sometimes worry and feel angry. Janine Halloran says, “Emotions aren’t good or bad, they just are. What matters is what you do with those emotions.” Janine–and her book–help teens know what to do with their emotions. She understands teens, how to talk to them and how to help them deal with stress, anxiety and anger. There are 4 basic ways that humans handle stress. Janine talks about each area and gives examples of activities that you can use with the adolescent in your life (or even with yourself)!

Links:

Coping Skills for Kids downloads

Dr. Tina Payne Bryson

Dr. Tina Payne Bryson

The Bottom Line for Parenting Babies and Toddlers

Dr. Tina Payne Bryson is the author of Bottom Line for Baby, and with Dr. Dan Siegel she has co-authored of The Power of Showing Up, The Yes Brain, The Whole Brain Child, and No-Drama Discipline. Tina is a psychotherapist and the Founder and Executive Director of The Center for Connection and of The Play Strong Institute. Even more important than being a parenting educator and a researcher, Tina is a mom to three boys.

Summary:
If you ever wondered what the research says about any of the current, controversial, infant and toddler parenting topics, then look no further. In Bottom Line for Baby, Tina presents the research and gives us the bottom line daycare vs staying at home, cloth vs. disposable diapers, sleep training, and more. Plus, in this interview, you’ll hear Tina’s funny Diaper Genie story!

Links:

The Bottom Line for Baby book website

Dr. Kristin Neff

Dr. Kristin Neff

Self Compassion: Why Adolescents Need It & How to Help Them Find It

Dr. Kristin Neff is currently an Associate Professor of Educational Psychology at the University of Texas at Austin. She is a pioneer in the field of self-compassion research, conducting the first empirical studies on self-compassion over a decade ago. In addition to writing numerous academic articles and book chapters on the topic, she is author of the book “Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself”. In conjunction with her colleague Dr. Chris Germer, she has developed an empirically supported eight-week training program called Mindful Self-Compassion, and offers workshops on self-compassion worldwide. An eight-week online self-compassion training program presented with Dr. Germer is also available through Sounds True. Kristin is also featured in the bestselling book and award-winning documentary The Horse Boy, which chronicles her family’s journey to Mongolia where they trekked on horseback to find healing for her autistic son.

Summary:
Dr. Kristin Neff shares what is now known about self-compassion and adolescents. Research shows that self-compassion makes a difference with adolescents who are students or athletes, or have anxiety, depression, or do emotional eating, or are LGBTQ. Kristin shares how to teach our children self-compassion while also helping them to correct their mistakes and not be stopped by failure.

Links:

Self-Compassion Guided Meditations and Exercises

Making Friends with Yourself: A Mindful Self-Compassion Program for Teens and Young Adults

Cecilia and Jason Hilkey

Cecilia and Jason Hilkey

Distance Learning and “Good Enough” Parenting

For over 20 years, Cecilia and Jason Hilkey have worked together… they’ve taught compassionate communication to parents and educators, worked with children with special needs, and even taught in the same preschool classroom. They founded Happily Family to help parents get emotional support, clear up communication, and create connection in families. Their popular conferences, blog, parent coaching, and classes touch the lives of over 100 thousand parents each week. They have 2 teen daughters.

Summary:
Parents are experiencing a lot of stress these days. Cecilia and Jason Hilkey answer questions from parents about distance learning, how to care for yourself while caring for your kids, how to decrease anxiety by giving kids more autonomy, how to lower the bar, have more fun, and be just “good enough” parents.

Links:

Free month of The Village community

Dr. Dan Siegel

B. N. Horowitz, MD

What Adolescent Wild Animals Can Teach Us About Parenting

Barbara Natterson-Horowitz, MD, is a visiting professor in the Department of Human Evolutionary Biology at Harvard University. A professor of medicine in the UCLA Division of Cardiology, she is president of the International Society for Evolution, Medicine, and Public Health.

Summary:
Dr. Barbara Natterson Horowitz helps us understand the adolescents in our home by sharing stories and videos of what wild animals do during adolescence. There are four primary goals of adolescent animals and humans–to develop the skills to stay Safe, to gain Status, to become Sexual beings, and to be Self-Reliant. Seeing wild animals go through these 4 stages can be helpful for us when it’s time for our own children to “leave the nest”.

Links:

Wildhood website

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Day Four

Rosalind Wiseman

Rosalind Wiseman

Helping Teens (Especially Girls) Navigate Friendships Online

Rosalind Wiseman has had only one job since graduating from college—to help communities shift the way we think about children and teens’ emotional and physical wellbeing. She is the author of several award winning and bestselling books including Queen Bees and Wannabes which was the basis for the movie Mean Girls.

Wiseman is a sought-after speaker on bullying, parenting, ethical leadership, and the use of social media. She has keynoted at the White House, SXSW summit and many others. She was a consultant for Cartoon Network and is an advisor to the US Department of Health and Human Services. She has been profiled in The New York Times, People, Los Angeles Times, Chicago Tribune, The Washington Post, and USA Today, The Today Show, CNN, and NPR.

 

Summary:
Rosalind is a keen observer of teens and their parents. With perspective and insight, she helps bridge the communication and generation gaps that occur in families. We talked about how to balance online safety and kid’s privacy, why teen girls send sexy photos to guys, and if punishing teens for breaking the rules will make them more rebellious or sneaky.

Links:

Cultures of Dignity website

How Dignity Works – FREE Tiny Guide Bundle

Tosha Schore

Tosha Schore

Raising Boys, Setting Limits, and the Power of Listening

Tosha Schore is a parent coach, speaker and co-author with Hand in Hand Parenting founder, Patty Wipfler, of Listen: Five Simple Tools to Meet Your Everyday Parenting Challenges. Tosha is mom to three boys and an advocate for boys and their families worldwide. She is committed to creating lasting change in families and in the world by supporting parents to care for themselves, connect with their boys deeply, set limits lovingly, and play wildly. Tosha holds a BA in Women’s Studies & Language Studies from UCSC, an MA in Applied Linguistics from UCLA, and is a certified teacher and trainer of instructors in Parenting by Connection. Photo credit: “In Her Image.”

Summary:
Tosha talks about how to allow boys to express their feelings and how to set limits. One of the first steps is seeing what feelings are evoked in us when boys are “misbehaving, acting out, or being defiant”. She shares how we can see the sweet boy underneath the behaviors of hitting, kicking, saying “no”, etc. Tosha shares 3 steps to set limits that are both gentle and firm.

Links:

Free course “Parenting Boys Peacefully: A 10-Day Reconnect!”

After the Sign Up button, click “Have a coupon?” and enter: happilyfamily

Amy Lang

Amy Lang

How (and When) to Talk to Kids about Sex

Amy Lang is a sexuality and parenting expert, and a regular guest on multiple media outlets such as The Wall Street Journal, Salon.com, CNN, The Atlantic, and the Seattle Times, and podcasts like The Savage Lovecast, Tilt Parenting, and The New Family. Amy has worked with parents and professionals from Alaska to Australia, including the Boys & Girls Club, The Air Force Youth and Family Services programs, YMCAs, and multiple PTAs and preschools. Parents and professionals appreciate that she is a fun, smart, and sassy speaker.

Summary:
Amy Lang talks about normal sexual behavior at each age. Amy covers it all… from babies and toddlers, playing doctor and kissing games, explaining sex to young kids, middle schoolers going through puberty, high schoolers having relationships, and young adults having their first sexual experiences. Amy is fun and straight-talking. You’ll hear her “secret code name” and 2 words she never uses when talking about sex.

Links:

Birds and Bees and Kids website

Jo Langford

Jo Langford

The Gender Revolution: How to Support LGBT+ Youth

Jo is a dad, therapist, and sex educator for tweens and teens. He helps parents and professionals increase their sex education knowledge and self-confidence. His work includes LGBT issues, Internet safety, and digital citizenship. His latest book, The Pride Guide, is the first puberty book written for queer and trans youth and their families and is a guide to sexual and social development, safety and health for queer youth.

Summary:
When we were kids, everyone was either a boy or a girl, now things have changed. There are new terms–cisgender, non-binary, pansexual, and gender-fluid. What does this all mean? Jo Langford helps us sort out the terms and suggest what parents (and communities) can do to support LGBT+ youth. This is an important conversation–even if your child is “straight”–because this is the culture youth are growing up in and parent/community support is a life-saver… literally.

Links:

Be Heroes website

Newsletter

Stephanie A. Brill

Stephanie A. Brill

Supporting Kids on the Gender Spectrum in Your Family and Community

Stephanie Brill is the founder of Gender Spectrum and a thought leader in the field of gender diversity in children. She is the author of four books including The Transgender Teen and The Transgender Child. Her work has been featured on 20/20, Fox News and Fox Radio, San Francisco Chronicle, and The New York Times.

Summary:
Stephanie Brill talks about how parents, family, and community members can support a child who does not identify with their gender assigned at birth. She explains what parents can say when their child talks to them about their gender, and how to “re-do” conversation if parents say something that they regret, and how to explain their child’s gender to other family members and friends. This is an important presentation for all parents to watch because our children and ALL children are growing up in a much more gender-diverse world than we did.

Links:

Gender Spectrum website

stay connected

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Day Five

Julie Lythcott-Haims

Julie Lythcott-Haims

How to Raise an Adult

Julie Lythcott-Haims is the New York Times bestselling author of the anti-helicopter parenting manifesto How to Raise an Adult. Her TED Talk on the subject was one of the top talks of 2016, and she is a regular contributor with CBS This Morning on parenting. Her third book, Your Turn: How to Be an Adult, will be out in April 2021. Julie is a mother, former Stanford dean and corporate lawyer.

Summary:
It’s easy to overprotect our kids. We love them! We don’t want “bad things” to happen to them. And there is a steep price of being too involved in your child’s life. Julie Lythcott-Haims talks about the devastating effects of helicopter parenting, how overprotective parenting is not helping our kids or us, and what we can do differently moving forward. Julie is a passionate speaker and a master storyteller, who made us both tear up with a heartfelt story she shared about her husband.

Links:

Your Turn: How To Be An Adult book excerpt

Dr. William Stixrud / Ned Johnson

Dr. William Stixrud / Ned Johnson

Intrinsic Motivation: Why Carrots and Sticks Don’t Work and What to Do Instead

Dr. William Stixrud is a clinical neuropsychologist and a faculty member at Children’s National and the George Washington University School of Medicine. He lectures widely on the adolescent brain, motivation, and the effects of stress, sleep deprivation, and technology overload on the brain.

Ned Johnson is the founder of PrepMatters, a tutoring service in Washington, DC. He is a sought after speaker and teen coach for study skills, parent-teen dynamics, ad anxiety management and his work has been featured on NPR, the U.S. News and World Report, Time, the Washington Post and the Wall Street Journal.

Summary:
Bill and Ned talk about intrinsic motivation–why we want our kids to have it and why carrots and sticks ultimately don’t work. They talk about how you wean a child off of rewards and consequences after parents have come to rely on them? And how do we avoid using rewards and punishments with our kids in the first place? Sharing fun stories, current research and their professional experience working with families, Bill and Ned will leave you relieved and reassured.

Links:

The Self-Driven Child book website

Renee Jain

Renee Jain

Mindfulness Tools for Anxious, Angry, or Sad Kids

Renee is the founder and Chief Storyteller of GoZen!, an online social and emotional learning program that helps kids cultivate basic coping techniques to overcome stress, anxiety, worry, anger, perfectionism, and negativity, as well as develop life skills to find meaning, purpose, and engagement in their lives. Renee founded GoZen! because she experienced anxiety as a child. As an adult, she wanted to share the tools from her formal education, her master’s degree in psychology, and personal experience, to help others.

Summary:
Renee Jain teaches that “resilience is a skill”. We can learn the skill of bouncing back, handling our feelings, and help our kids to be the best version of themselves. Renee shares stories and practical tools–for kids and adults–to transform stress, anxiety, worry, anger, perfectionism, and negativity.

Links:

Go Zen website

Dr. Christopher Willard

Dr. Christopher Willard

Resilience and Post Traumatic Growth during Challenging Times

Dr. Christopher Willard is a psychologist and educational consultant specializing in mindfulness. He has been practicing meditation for 20 years, and leads workshops nationally and internationally. He has presented at TEDx conferences and his thoughts have appeared in the New York Times, The Washington Post, mindful.org, and elsewhere. He is the author of several books including Child’s Mind, Growing Up Mindful, Raising Resilience and several children’s books. He teaches at Harvard Medical School.

Summary:
The research about trauma shows that the typical result of difficult experiences is post-traumatic GROWTH, not post-traumatic stress. After we, or our children, experience something difficult we will likely gain increased resilience, connections to people, more meaning, and purpose in our life.

Chris talks about how to can use difficult situations to grow, how to find predictability when things are unpredictable, how to talk to kids about challenging situations, and practical solutions, including breathing exercises, to use in difficult situations every day.

Links:

Dr. Christopher Willard’s website

Dr. Dan Peters

Dr. Dan Peters

Anxiety in Kids: What Parents Can Do to Help

Dr. Daniel Peters is a psychologist, author, Co-founder of Parent Footprint, host of the “Parent Footprint Podcast with Dr. Dan” and the Executive Director of the Summit Center, specializing in the assessment and treatment of children, adolescents, and families, with gifted, talented, and creative individuals, as well as anxiety, learning differences, dyslexia and more. He is a regular contributor to The Huffington Post and Psychology Today, and he speaks regularly at national conferences.

Summary:
Dr. Dan Peters explains why kids get worried and what anxiety looks like. The good news is there are many things that a parent can do when their child has anxiety–without having to go to a professional. Dan also explains when to seek additional help, how to handle chronic stress, and importance of looking at our own worries when trying to support our kids to handle theirs.

Links:

Dr. Dan Peters’ website

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