Happily Family Logo
Cecilia and Jason Hilkey

Welcome To The Fall 2018

HAPPILY FAMILY ONLINE CONFERENCE NOTES

Do You want to Watch the conference?

25 videos, audio MP3 downloads, transcripts and all notes

Day One

Dr. Dan Siegel
Dr. Ross Greene

How to Help a Teen Get Off a Video Game Without Using Consequences

Ross is the originator of the innovative, empirically-supported approach now known as Collaborative & Proactive Solutions (CPS), as described in his influential books The Explosive Child and Lost at School. Dr. Greene served on the teaching faculty at Harvard Medical School for over 20 years, and is currently adjunct associate professor in the Department of Psychology at Virginia Tech. He is also the Founding Director of the non-profit Lives in the Balance, which provides free, web-based resources on the CPS model; support and advocacy for behaviorally challenging kids and their caregivers; takes a strong stand against the use of corporal punishment at home and school, the use of restraint and seclusion in schools and restrictive therapeutic facilities, and the use of detention, suspension, and expulsion in schools, preschools, and daycare settings; and advocates for interventions that are non-punitive and non-adversarial. Dr. Greene lectures and provides consultation to families, schools, and restrictive therapeutic facilities throughout the world and lives in Portland, Maine, with his wife and two kids.

Summary:
Dr. Ross Greene says that kids do well when they can… when they can’t, it’s because of unsolved problems and lagging skills. Ross talks about why adult imposed consequences (time out, detention, spanking, etc) don’t work, and he demonstrates what parents can do instead. We asked Ross how he would work with a young teen who is having difficulty getting off a video game. You won’t want to miss his response!

Links:

Sign up for the newsletter

Become a Lives in the Balance Advocator

Dr. Dan Siegel
Dr. Kristin Neff
Self Compassion and How It Makes Us Better Parents

Dr. Kristin Neff is currently an Associate Professor of Educational Psychology at the University of Texas at Austin. She is a pioneer in the field of self-compassion research, conducting the first empirical studies on self-compassion over a decade ago. In addition to writing numerous academic articles and book chapters on the topic, she is author of the book “Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself”. In conjunction with her colleague Dr. Chris Germer, she has developed an empirically supported eight-week training program called Mindful Self-Compassion, and offers workshops on self-compassion worldwide. An eight-week online self-compassion training program presented with Dr. Germer is also available through Sounds True. Kristin is also featured in the bestselling book and award-winning documentary The Horse Boy, which chronicles her family’s journey to Mongolia where they trekked on horseback to find healing for her autistic son.

Summary:
Dr. Kristin Neff addresses the myth that parents need to be harsh with their children in order to motivate them. Another cultural myth is that parents need to be harsh with themselves in order to keep themselves motivated. Self compassion is not self indulgent, narcissistic, nor does it promote laziness; in fact, the opposite is true. By being kind to ourselves we are better able to be kind to others and Kristen shows some simple ways we can be more compassionate in our everyday life.

Links:

Website and Workbook

Dr. Dan Siegel
Oren Jay Sofer
Mindful Communication: Simple Tools to Talk with Kids, Even During a Conflict
Oren Jay Sofer teaches meditation and communication nationally. A member of the Spirit Rock Teachers Council, he holds a degree in Comparative Religion from Columbia University, is a Certified Trainer of Nonviolent Communication, Senior Program Developer at Mindful Schools, and a Somatic Experiencing Practitioner for trauma healing. Oren is the author of Say What You Mean: A Mindful Approach to Nonviolent Communication.

Summary:
Oren Jay Sofer shows how we can talk with our kids–using mindful and nonviolent communication–to create connection. He demonstrates how we can give our kids more choice and have more closeness, even during a conflict, like asking a child to clean up their room. He even does a fun role play! And ge shares 3 simple tools for how we can bring our attention back to the present moment, so that we can respond consciously to our family members.

Links:

Book and Six Free Guided Meditations

Dr. Dan Siegel
Dr. Eve Ekman
What Kids (and Parents!) Need to Know about Their Emotions
Dr. Eve Ekman is a UC Berkeley and UCSF Integrative medicine trained social scientist and teacher of emotional awareness. Eve’s experience as a frontline social worker in the emergency room inspired her to develop emotion, compassion and mindfulness based interventions for professional caregivers. Currently Eve is a clinical instructor through UCSF’s Osher Center for Integrative Medicine, Faculty at Wisdom Labs alongside ongoing research. In addition to her academic training, Eve is a second generation emotion researcher and has had meaningful collaborations with her father, renowned emotion researcher Dr. Paul Ekman. Their most recent project, The Atlas of Emotions, is an online visual tool to teach a language for improving our emotional awareness was a project commissioned and supported by the Dalai Lama. Eve is the co- lead instructor for Cultivating Emotional Balance, an evidenced based meditation and emotion regulation training developed by Dr. Ekman Sr. and Buddhist scholar Alan Wallace at a contemplative science conference in 2000.

Eve’s writing on empathy, burnout and compassion has appeared in peer reviewed journals as well as invited book chapters. She has been an invited speaker in Sao Paolo, Singapore and beyond. Eve is a regular practitioner of meditation, yoga and cold water surfing and brings her enthusiasm of living a rich emotional life into her teaching.

Summary:
The research is clear–that it’s important for us to talk about emotions, to make sense of our feelings, and help our kids cope. But how do we do that? We asked Dr. Eve Ekman about how a frustrated parent can manage their feelings at the end of the day, and also how we help our kids to be more aware of their feelings. Eve also tells the story of how she and her father have collaborated with His Holiness the Dalai Lama. Their project has been to increase global compassion by understanding our emotions. Eve and other researchers created a map so that adults (and now kids!) can understand their emotions and how they react to their feelings.

Links

Website

Dr. Dan Siegel
Lynne Hurdle
Communication and Conflict Resolution Expert, Creator of Soul of Conflict Summit
Lynne Maureen Hurdle is a communication expert and conflict resolution strategist. She has over 35 years of experience teaching and coaching people to willingly and skillfully engage in conflict. She is the author of the best selling book, Closing Conflict for Leaders.

Lynne has spoken at nationally, at TEDxWomen, and internationally. She writes for Psychology Today and hosts the Soul of Conflict Summit.

Summary:
Conflict happens in families. Even if we ignore conflict; it doesn’t go away. How do we handle it? Lynne Maureen Hurdle says that when we willingly engage in conflict we learn not only about ourselves and others, but we also have an incredible opportunity to teach our kids to handle conflict too! She shares how she handles conflict in her family and how she has moved away the norms in her culture in order to become the parent that she wanted to be.

Links:

Website and free giveaway

Do You want to Watch the conference?

25 videos, audio MP3 downloads, transcripts and all notes

Day Two

Dr. Dan Siegel
Dr. Mary Sheedy Kurcinka
Raising Your Spirited Child
Dr. Mary Sheedy Kurcinka is a best-selling author and internationally recognized lecturer and parent educator. Born on a third-generation dairy farm in Minnesota, Mary now lives with her husband in Bozeman, Montana. Mary is the former director of one of Minnesota’s largest Early Childhood Family Education programs, the founder of the Spirited Child and Kids, Parents, and Power Struggles workshops, and the proud mother of two adults.

Summary:
Dr. Mary Sheedy Kurcinka has worked for decades with children and families, so her wisdom and experience shines through. In this interview we challenged her with 3 real life situations to see what she would do… We asked her about how to help the spirited child who has big feelings, how to help the highly distracted child get out the door in the morning, and how to help the child who likes a lot of routine and gets thrown off if things are changed.

Links:

Website

Dr. Dan Siegel
Dayna Abraham
Help Your “High Needs” Child Identify and Grow His Superpowers
Dayna Abraham is a National Board Certified teacher with a background in Early Childhood who always figured out ways to love the most intense and challenging kids in her classroom. After becoming the a mother herself and seeing her own child not “fit” into school, she chose to homeschool and help other parents, of challenging and intense kids, to find their own super powers.

Summary:
Dayna Abraham helps kids (and their parents) see how their struggles are also their super powers. First, she works to understand the cause of a child’s behavior, which also helps the child have self-awareness. And then she works together with kids to solve everyday struggles, like turning off video games, cleaning up the house, and getting out the door in the morning. If your child has sensory processing disorder, you won’t want to miss this talk. Dayna’s positive approach is infectious and inspirational.

Links:

FREE Personalized Behavior Report

Dr. Dan Siegel
Vibha Arora
Using Conscious and Positive Parenting to Raise Competent Kids
Vibha Arora is a Marriage Family Therapist and a certified Positive Parenting Coach. Her coaching practice is enriched by her experiences growing up as the daughter of immigrants, being an Indo-American, single mom of two, her work as an educator, and studying with teachers including Dr. Shefali. Vibha’s intention is to empower people and hold space for them to find their way back to their own inner wisdom, purpose and truth.

Summary:
Vibha Arora talks about how to encourage independence and competence in kids. We asked her… How do we know if our kids need a push or a cushion? How do we get “untriggered”? How do we help our child without undermining his independence? How do we get connected to our child? Do we set limits? Vibha also explained what it’s like to parent “differently” than her own family and her culture.

Links:

5 Keys To Positive Discipline

Dr. Dan Siegel
Kj Dell’antonia
How to Be a Happier Parent
KJ Dell’Antonia is a former New York Times reporter who wrote and edited the Motherlode blog and the Well Family section of the Times from 2011 until 2016. She is the author of “How to Be a Happier Parent” in which shares her research, interviews, and entertaining personal stories, to help all of us figure out “how it’s done” in the bits of family life we find most challenging. KJ believes that we can raise our families, live our lives, and love (almost) every minute of it — if we let go of the idea of parenting as a direct route to destination, and decide to meander along our own merry way.

Summary:
KJ Dell’Antonia wrote “How to be a Happier Parent” because she noticed, as a reporter, that even though even though we are living pretty decent lives, that many parents are still really stressed in many parts of the world. She wondered what she could do to support those of us who are parenting right now. She shares what she has learned from her research and her parenting experience. We talked specifically about chores, technology, decreasing stress, and making family life more fun.

Links:

10 Mantras for Happier Parents – Free Resource

Dr. Dan Siegel
Joanna Faber / Julie King
How to Talk So Little Kids will Listen

Joanna Faber has a Master’s degree in Special Education. She also happens to be the daughter of internationally acclaimed best-selling author, Adele Faber, Co-author of How to Talk So Kids Can Listen and Listen So Kids Can Talk. Her first hand experiences in the classroom allowed her to contribute heavily to her mother’s award-winning book, How to Talk So Kids Can Learn.

Julie King has been educating and supporting parents and professionals since 1995. She works with parents and couples individually, and she leads workshops. Julie holds degrees from Princeton University and Yale Law School. Julie and Joanna are lifelong friends who have collaborated professionally for many years.

Summary:
Joanna Faber and Julie King share some wonderful ideas about how to respond to children using examples from real life situations. We talk about a 4 year old who doesn’t let his dad do anything for him, twin boys with significant communication delays, a girl who is very anxious, and a child who doesn’t want to hug or kiss family members. You won’t want to miss this delightful and informative conversation.

Links:

Website

Julie’s website

Do You want to Watch the conference?

25 videos, audio MP3 downloads, transcripts and all notes

Day Three

Dr. Dan Siegel
Brooks Gibbs
How to Respond to a Bully Without Becoming a Victim
Brooks Gibbs is an award-winning social skills educator. He is a popular youth speaker who’s presented 2,500 speeches. His viral videos have been translated into 20 languages and amassed more than 200 million views. He specializes in teaching youth how to be emotionally resilient and inspires them to live by the Golden Rule.

Summary:

Brooks Gibbs has a very different approach to “bullying” than other experts. First, he helps us understand why people “bully”, then he explains why the words “bully” and “victim” aren’t useful or helpful words. Lastly, he shows how any of us can respond when someone says something that hurts us. By the way, he actually sings! You won’t want to miss this entertaining presentation about emotional resilience.

Links:

Website

Dr. Dan Siegel

David Flink

Inspiration and Resources to Support a Child Who Learns Differently

David Flink is a social movement leader on the front lines of the learning rights movement. Diagnosed with dyslexia and ADHD at a young age, he struggled through much of his pre-college education. When he was still in college himself, David founded Eye to Eye, a national mentoring movement run for and by people with Learning Differences and ADHD. David is also the author of Thinking Differently: An Inspiring Guide for Parents of Children with Learning Disabilities.

Summary:
David Flink is a visionary who is broadening the definition of learning in our culture. Learning is something that we do everyday, until the day we die. All kids want to learn… If our child learns differently our goal, as parents and teachers, is to figure out how they can. This learning revolution starts with telling our stories, making the invisible visible, asking questions, and moving from pity to pride. David shares practical and inspiring ways to do these things, in his engaging presentation.

Links:

Eye to Eye website

David’s website

Dr. Dan Siegel
Seth Perler
Living and Working with a Child who is Twice Exceptional (2E)
Seth Perler is a teacher turned Education Coach, who specializes in Executive Function and 2e. He helps struggling students navigate the educational landscape while doing his part to “disrupt” and improve education.

Summary:

Seth Perler coaches kids who have asynchronous development or 2E (they are giftedness in one area and delayed in another). He explains why shame, punishments, lectures, and even rewards don’t work with these kids. Seth talks about what parents and teachers can do, that does work–increase choice, be flexible, be curious, get “buy in”, and ask questions. Seth also shares some practical advice about how to get kids more engaged in their school work.

Links:

Visit SethPerler.com and subscribe for updates and free Student Success Toolkit

Dr. Dan Siegel
Dr. Lea Waters
Focusing on Your Child’s Strengths Leads to Success
Dr. Lea Waters is a researcher, psychologist, author and speaker who specializes in positive education and parenting. She is the President of the International Positive Psychology Association, and the author of The Strength Switch: How the New Science of Strength-Based Parenting Can Help Your Child and Your Teen to Flourish. Lea’s work has been featured in the Wall Street Journal, The Washington Post, The Atlantic, The Globe, and The Guardian.

Summary:

There is a common belief in parenting that in order to help our kids, we need to work on all their weaknesses. But strength-based science shows that the opposite is true. It tells us to turn the bulk of our attention on expanding our children’s strengths, rather than reducing their weaknesses. Dr. Lea Waters shows parents how (and why) to use this powerful concept from positive psychology in our families, schools, and in our lives. If we focus on our child’s strengths we help them build resilience, optimism, happiness, and have more fun in life!

Links:

Strength-based parenting tip sheet

Dr. Dan Siegel
Dr. Lara Honos-Webb
The Gift of ADHD
Dr. Lara Honos-Webb is a clinical psychologist. She is author of Brain Hacks, The Gift of ADHD, The Gift of ADHD Activity Book, The Gift of Adult ADD, The ADHD Workbook for Teens, and Listening to Depression. Her work has been featured in USA Today, Newsweek, The Wall Street Journal, U.S. News & World Report, The Chicago Tribune, Publisher’s Weekly, and others.

Summary:
Dr. Lara Honos-Webb talks about how kids and adults with ADHD and learning disabilities are more creative, innovative, more empathic, expressive, and better problem solvers than people in the general population. Lara gives practical advice about how to reframe problem areas, build on the successes and interests of kids, increase persistence and motivation, how to help kids define themselves by their success, and how to organize, initiate, and plan daily tasks.

Links:

Tools and Resources

Do You want to Watch the conference?

25 videos, audio MP3 downloads, transcripts and all notes

Day Four

Dr. Dan Siegel
Dr. mark bertin
Mindful Parenting for ADHD
Dr. Mark Bertin is a developmental pediatrician who specializes in integrating mindfulness with other evidence-based neurodevelopmental care. He is a bestselling author who most recently wrote How Children Thrive: The Practical Science of Raising Independent, Resilient, and Happy Kids. His previous books include Mindful Parenting for ADHD and The Family ADHD Solution.

Summary:
ADHD is a common developmental disorder, found around the world, and yet it is frequently misunderstood. Dr. Mark Bertin helps explain that kids with ADHD know what to do, but it’s hard for them to do what they know because of difficulties with planning, management, organization, and executive functioning. In this conversation, Mark talks about the stress ADHD creates for families, value of mindfulness and self compassion for parents, and he shares practical, positive ways to guide kids with ADHD.

Links:

Website

Dr. Dan Siegel
Dr. Dawn Huebner
When You Worry Too Much: 3 Tools for Kids to Minimize Anxiety
Dr. Dawn Huebner is a Clinical Psychologist, Parent Coach and popular speaker, specializing in the many faces of anxiety. She is the author of 8 books, including the bestselling What to Do When You Worry Too Much and more recently, Outsmarting Worry. Dr. Huebner’s books have been translated into 21 languages. She has been featured on the TODAY Show, CNN.com, WebMD, many popular parenting magazines. Dr. Huebner’s TEDx talk on Rethinking Anxiety has been viewed over 280,000 times.

Summary:
It’s natural–even helpful and energizing–for all children to have a little bit of anxiety, but a lot of anxiety is problematic. Dr. Dawn Huebner talks about how to know if our child is experiencing too much anxiety, what you can do to help them, and when to get professional support. Dawn says that too much accommodating and reassurance–things we might do to be compassionate–actually fuels anxiety, rather than resolves it. And she talks about what we can do instead, to help our children anxiety.

Links:

Website

Dr. Dan Siegel
Dr. edward hallowell
How to Help Kids with ADHD Find Their Strengths
Dr. Edward Hallowell is a child and adult psychiatrist and the founder of The Hallowell Center for Cognitive and Emotional Health. He taught Harvard Medical School for over 2 decades, and since then he’s devoted his professional attention to his clinical practice, lectures, and writing books. Dr. Hallowell is a highly recognized International speaker. He has been featured on 20/20, Oprah, Dr. Oz, CNN, PBS, NPR, 60 Minutes, The Today Show, Dateline, Good Morning America, US News and World Report, Newsweek, the Harvard Business Review, Washington Post, and New York Times.

Summary:
Dr. Edward Hallowell gives parents, professionals (and kids themselves) language to find the “buried treasures” of ADHD. Ned shares about the strengths of kids with ADHD–the laser focus, tenacity, ingenuity, generosity, forgiveness, curiosity, and energy. Ned also shares about how to support kids with ADHD and gives practical advice in the areas of education, medication, coaching, structure and lifestyle.

Links:

Website

Dr. Dan Siegel
Dr. Joseph Lee
4 Ways to Help Kids with ADHD Succeed in School and Life
Joseph Lee is a psychiatrist with a practice in Southern California. Early in his practice he saw that his patients were clearly getting better, but didn’t seem to be quite “well.” His search to help people truly thrive, led him to a truth-based perspective that he’s been applying personally and professionally, built around developing self-worth, meaningful relationships, and lifelong optimal healthiness. Becoming a parent, made him more intentional about every aspect of his own life – trying to figure out the best way to raise his kids, while maintaining his own health and wellbeing.

Summary:
Dr. Joseph Lee explains what is happening in the brain of a child with ADHD. He talks about why a child with ADHD might get focused on one thing (when he should be working on something else), why it’s difficult for him to engage in something that he doesn’t want to do, and why he forgets to do things. Joe shares 4 practical ways we can help kids with ADHD be more successful in school, home and life. And he also shares his view on medication for kids with ADHD.

Links:

Website

Dr. Dan Siegel
Maria Davis-pierre
How to Advocate for Your Child & Get the Help Your Child Needs

Maria Davis-Pierre is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor with extensive experience working with children on the spectrum and their families. Maria’s passion is being an autism advocate and she uses a strength based approach to help clients to develop solutions that they want in their lives. Her mission is to increase awareness of the impact culture can have on an Autism Spectrum diagnosis.

Summary:
Even though Maria Davis-Pierre is a mental health counselor and is married to a physician, when she first got concerned about her daughter’s development it took a lot of time and effort to get a support that her daughter needed. Maria unfortunately experienced what a lot of parents of special needs children have experienced, especially parents in underserved communities. Maria shares her story and her advice about how to advocate for your child, to get the help that you need, and how to educate the professionals on your child’s team about your family’s culture.

Links:

10 Free Affirmations ebook

Do You want to Watch the conference?

25 videos, audio MP3 downloads, transcripts and all notes

Day Five

Dr. Dan Siegel
Janell Burley Hofmann
Digital Parenting: How to Talk to Kids about Tech and Family Values
Janell Burley Hofmann is the author of the book, iRules: What Every Tech-Healthy Family Needs to Know About Selfies, Sexting, Gaming and Growing Up. She is also a speaker and consultant on topics like technology, media, health, relationships and personal growth. Janell serves families, schools and communities in a partnership that will positively impact the lives of children and teens.

Summary:
Janell Burley Hofmann tells the story of when iPhone contract that she wrote for her son went viral. Janell wisely says that, “digital parenting is not technical, it’s relational”. She walks us through the steps of how to begin–or continue–the conversation with our kids about technology. She demonstrates what we can say, so our children understand our values around technology, it strengthens our relationship, and it teaches our kids the skills of balance, kindness, and self-regulation.

Links:

Website

Dr. Dan Siegel
Dr. Daniel Siegel
The Wheel of Awareness: A Simple Meditative Practice for Parents and Kids
Dr. Daniel Siegel is a clinical professor of psychiatry at the UCLA School of Medicine and the Executive Director of the Mindsight Institute. He has authored or co-authored several books including Parenting from the Inside Out, the Whole Brain Child, No Drama Discipline, The Yes Brain, and most recently, Aware.

Summary:
Dr. Dan Siegel shows us a simple meditative practice that comes completely from science. He talks about how we, as parents, can use this practice to add a pause before we react, and how we can also teach this to our kids so that they can make more thoughtful choices. The practice includes focused attention, open awareness, and compassion. You can use this practice to create more well being in your relationships, your family, and in your life.

Links:

Website 

Dr. Dan Siegel
Dr. Ann-louise Lockhart
Help your “High Needs” Child Handle Feelings, Get Organized, and Develop Self Control
Dr. Ann-Louise Lockhart is a Pediatric Psychologist. She is Board Certified in Clinical Child and Adolescent Psychology. She is the Founder and Owner of A New Day Pediatric Psychology. Originally from St. Croix in the U.S. Virgin Islands, she considers herself a “dual-citizen” of Texas and the Caribbean. She specializes in treating ADHD, Depression, Anxiety, and medical diagnoses.

Summary:
If you child is having behavioral problems, difficulty managing her emotional, doesn’t finish tasks, or struggles with organization, planning, or controlling her impulses, she is probably weak in executive function skills. Dr. Lockhart explains that executive function skills are developed in our children’s brains, especially during the toddler/preschool and adolescent years. She talks about how ADHD, depression, trauma, and anxiety impact kid’s executive functioning abilities. And she shares with us a collaborative process that you can use with your child–to replace the yelling or arguing–so you can give your child’s brain exactly what it needs.

Links:

Website

Dr. Dan Siegel
Byron Katie
Love Your Life: 4 Questions to Turnaround Any Stressful Situation
In 1986, at the bottom of a ten-year spiral into depression, rage, and self-loathing, Byron Katie woke up one morning to a state of constant joy that has never left her. She realized that when she believed her stressful thoughts, she suffered, but that when she questioned them, she didn’t suffer, and that this is true for every human being. Her simple yet powerful process of inquiry is called The Work.

Katie has been bringing The Work to millions of people for more than thirty years. Her public events, weekend workshops, five-day intensives, nine-day School for The Work, and 28-day residential Turnaround House have brought freedom to people all over the world.

Byron Katie’s books include the bestselling Loving What Is, I Need Your Love—Is That True?, A Thousand Names for Joy, and A Mind at Home with Itself.

Summary:
Byron Katie’s The Work can be used in any situation where you are suffering. Listen to how Katie skillfully guides Jason and Cecilia through a situation in their relationship that had created some suffering (the laundry!). She helps them question the stressful thoughts that led to the suffering and see a new, more joyful, way to look at reality.

Links:

The Work Website

Dr. Dan Siegel
Magdalena garcia
Using Rituals to Honor Life Transitions
Magdalena Consuelo Garcia is a long-time elementary educator at both public and private schools, and the co-founder of a non-profit community elementary school, The Knowing Garden, in Redondo Beach, CA. She also founded Circles & Bridges, a resource for humans of all ages to heal and celebrate life transitions in personalized and transformative ways.

Summary:
Magdalena Consuelo Garcia describes how she’s worked with parents, using rituals, to make sense of, grieve, and integrate important life events. In the busyness of modern society we’ve lost touch with deep, meaningful ways to honor life transitions, such as marriage, becoming a mother, weaning, starting school, or graduating. Magdalena explains how we can use simple individual or small group rituals, to bring more peace and meaning to our lives.

Links:

Free Ritual Resources

Do You want to Watch the conference?

25 videos, audio MP3 downloads, transcripts and all notes