Welcome To The Fall 2018
HAPPILY FAMILY ONLINE CONFERENCE NOTES
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25 videos, audio MP3 downloads, transcripts and all notes
Day One
How to Help a Teen Get Off a Video Game Without Using Consequences
Ross is the originator of the innovative, empirically-supported approach now known as Collaborative & Proactive Solutions (CPS), as described in his influential books The Explosive Child and Lost at School. Dr. Greene served on the teaching faculty at Harvard Medical School for over 20 years, and is currently adjunct associate professor in the Department of Psychology at Virginia Tech. He is also the Founding Director of the non-profit Lives in the Balance, which provides free, web-based resources on the CPS model; support and advocacy for behaviorally challenging kids and their caregivers; takes a strong stand against the use of corporal punishment at home and school, the use of restraint and seclusion in schools and restrictive therapeutic facilities, and the use of detention, suspension, and expulsion in schools, preschools, and daycare settings; and advocates for interventions that are non-punitive and non-adversarial. Dr. Greene lectures and provides consultation to families, schools, and restrictive therapeutic facilities throughout the world and lives in Portland, Maine, with his wife and two kids.
Summary:
Dr. Ross Greene says that kids do well when they can… when they can’t, it’s because of unsolved problems and lagging skills. Ross talks about why adult imposed consequences (time out, detention, spanking, etc) don’t work, and he demonstrates what parents can do instead. We asked Ross how he would work with a young teen who is having difficulty getting off a video game. You won’t want to miss his response!
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Dr. Kristin Neff is currently an Associate Professor of Educational Psychology at the University of Texas at Austin. She is a pioneer in the field of self-compassion research, conducting the first empirical studies on self-compassion over a decade ago. In addition to writing numerous academic articles and book chapters on the topic, she is author of the book “Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself”. In conjunction with her colleague Dr. Chris Germer, she has developed an empirically supported eight-week training program called Mindful Self-Compassion, and offers workshops on self-compassion worldwide. An eight-week online self-compassion training program presented with Dr. Germer is also available through Sounds True. Kristin is also featured in the bestselling book and award-winning documentary The Horse Boy, which chronicles her family’s journey to Mongolia where they trekked on horseback to find healing for her autistic son.
Summary:
Dr. Kristin Neff addresses the myth that parents need to be harsh with their children in order to motivate them. Another cultural myth is that parents need to be harsh with themselves in order to keep themselves motivated. Self compassion is not self indulgent, narcissistic, nor does it promote laziness; in fact, the opposite is true. By being kind to ourselves we are better able to be kind to others and Kristen shows some simple ways we can be more compassionate in our everyday life.
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Oren Jay Sofer shows how we can talk with our kids–using mindful and nonviolent communication–to create connection. He demonstrates how we can give our kids more choice and have more closeness, even during a conflict, like asking a child to clean up their room. He even does a fun role play! And ge shares 3 simple tools for how we can bring our attention back to the present moment, so that we can respond consciously to our family members.
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Eve’s writing on empathy, burnout and compassion has appeared in peer reviewed journals as well as invited book chapters. She has been an invited speaker in Sao Paolo, Singapore and beyond. Eve is a regular practitioner of meditation, yoga and cold water surfing and brings her enthusiasm of living a rich emotional life into her teaching.
Summary:
The research is clear–that it’s important for us to talk about emotions, to make sense of our feelings, and help our kids cope. But how do we do that? We asked Dr. Eve Ekman about how a frustrated parent can manage their feelings at the end of the day, and also how we help our kids to be more aware of their feelings. Eve also tells the story of how she and her father have collaborated with His Holiness the Dalai Lama. Their project has been to increase global compassion by understanding our emotions. Eve and other researchers created a map so that adults (and now kids!) can understand their emotions and how they react to their feelings.
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Lynne has spoken at nationally, at TEDxWomen, and internationally. She writes for Psychology Today and hosts the Soul of Conflict Summit.
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Conflict happens in families. Even if we ignore conflict; it doesn’t go away. How do we handle it? Lynne Maureen Hurdle says that when we willingly engage in conflict we learn not only about ourselves and others, but we also have an incredible opportunity to teach our kids to handle conflict too! She shares how she handles conflict in her family and how she has moved away the norms in her culture in order to become the parent that she wanted to be.
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Do You want to Watch the conference?
25 videos, audio MP3 downloads, transcripts and all notes
Day Two
Summary:
Dr. Mary Sheedy Kurcinka has worked for decades with children and families, so her wisdom and experience shines through. In this interview we challenged her with 3 real life situations to see what she would do… We asked her about how to help the spirited child who has big feelings, how to help the highly distracted child get out the door in the morning, and how to help the child who likes a lot of routine and gets thrown off if things are changed.
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Dayna Abraham helps kids (and their parents) see how their struggles are also their super powers. First, she works to understand the cause of a child’s behavior, which also helps the child have self-awareness. And then she works together with kids to solve everyday struggles, like turning off video games, cleaning up the house, and getting out the door in the morning. If your child has sensory processing disorder, you won’t want to miss this talk. Dayna’s positive approach is infectious and inspirational.
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Vibha Arora talks about how to encourage independence and competence in kids. We asked her… How do we know if our kids need a push or a cushion? How do we get “untriggered”? How do we help our child without undermining his independence? How do we get connected to our child? Do we set limits? Vibha also explained what it’s like to parent “differently” than her own family and her culture.
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KJ Dell’Antonia wrote “How to be a Happier Parent” because she noticed, as a reporter, that even though even though we are living pretty decent lives, that many parents are still really stressed in many parts of the world. She wondered what she could do to support those of us who are parenting right now. She shares what she has learned from her research and her parenting experience. We talked specifically about chores, technology, decreasing stress, and making family life more fun.
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Joanna Faber has a Master’s degree in Special Education. She also happens to be the daughter of
Julie King has been educating and supporting parents and professionals since 1995. She works with parents and couples individually, and she leads workshops. Julie holds degrees from Princeton University and Yale Law School. Julie and Joanna are lifelong friends who have collaborated professionally for many years.
Summary:
Joanna Faber and Julie King share some wonderful ideas about how to respond to children using examples from real life situations. We talk about a
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Do You want to Watch the conference?
25 videos, audio MP3 downloads, transcripts and all notes
Day Three
Summary:
Brooks Gibbs has a very different approach to “bullying” than other experts. First, he helps us understand why people “bully”, then he explains why the words “bully” and “victim” aren’t useful or helpful words. Lastly, he shows how any of us can respond when someone says something that hurts us. By the way, he actually sings! You won’t want to miss this entertaining presentation about emotional resilience.
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David Flink
David Flink is a social movement leader on the front lines of the learning rights movement. Diagnosed with dyslexia and ADHD at a young age, he struggled through much of his pre-college education. When he was still in college himself, David founded Eye to Eye, a national mentoring movement run for and by people with Learning Differences and ADHD. David is also the author of Thinking Differently: An Inspiring Guide for Parents of Children with Learning Disabilities.
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David Flink is a visionary who is broadening the definition of learning in our culture. Learning is something that we do
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Seth Perler coaches kids who have asynchronous development or 2E (they are giftedness in one area and delayed in another). He explains why shame, punishments, lectures, and even rewards don’t work with these kids. Seth talks about what parents and teachers can do, that does work–increase choice, be flexible, be curious, get “buy in”, and ask questions. Seth also shares some practical advice about how to get kids more engaged in their school work.
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Visit SethPerler.com and subscribe for updates and free Student Success Toolkit
Summary:
There is a common belief in parenting that in order to help our kids, we need to work on all their weaknesses. But strength-based science shows that the opposite is true. It tells us to turn the bulk of our attention on expanding our children’s strengths, rather than reducing their weaknesses. Dr. Lea Waters shows parents how (and why) to use this powerful concept from positive psychology in our families, schools, and in our lives. If we focus on our child’s strengths we help them build resilience, optimism, happiness, and have more fun in life!
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Dr. Lara Honos-Webb talks about how kids and adults with ADHD and learning disabilities are more creative, innovative, more empathic, expressive, and better problem solvers than people in the general population. Lara gives practical advice about how to reframe problem areas, build on the successes and interests of kids, increase persistence and motivation, how to help kids define themselves by their success, and how to organize, initiate, and plan daily tasks.
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Do You want to Watch the conference?
25 videos, audio MP3 downloads, transcripts and all notes
Day Four
Summary:
ADHD is a common developmental disorder, found around the world, and yet it is frequently misunderstood. Dr. Mark Bertin helps explain that kids with ADHD know what to do, but it’s hard for them to do what they know because of difficulties with planning, management, organization, and executive functioning. In this conversation, Mark talks about the stress ADHD creates for families, value of mindfulness and self compassion for parents, and he shares practical, positive ways to guide kids with ADHD.
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It’s natural–even helpful and energizing–for all children to have a little bit of anxiety, but a lot of anxiety is problematic. Dr. Dawn Huebner talks about how to know if our child is experiencing too much anxiety, what you can do to help them, and when to get professional support. Dawn says that too much accommodating and reassurance–things we might do to be compassionate–actually fuels anxiety, rather than resolves it. And she talks about what we can do instead, to help our children anxiety.
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Dr. Edward Hallowell gives parents, professionals (and kids themselves) language to find the “buried treasures” of ADHD. Ned shares about the strengths of kids with ADHD–the laser focus, tenacity, ingenuity, generosity, forgiveness, curiosity, and energy. Ned also shares about how to support kids with ADHD and gives practical advice in the areas of education, medication, coaching, structure and lifestyle.
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Dr. Joseph Lee explains what is happening in the brain of a child with ADHD. He talks about why a child with ADHD might get focused on one thing (when he should be working on something else), why it’s difficult for him to engage in something that he doesn’t want to do, and why he forgets to do things. Joe shares 4 practical ways we can help kids with ADHD be more successful in school, home and life. And he also shares his view on medication for kids with ADHD.
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Maria Davis-Pierre is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor with extensive experience working with children on the spectrum and their families. Maria’s passion is being an autism advocate and she uses a
Summary:
Even though Maria Davis-Pierre is a mental health counselor and is married to a
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Do You want to Watch the conference?
25 videos, audio MP3 downloads, transcripts and all notes
Day Five
Summary:
Janell Burley Hofmann tells the story of when iPhone contract that she wrote for her son went viral. Janell wisely says that, “digital parenting is not technical, it’s relational”. She walks us through the steps of how to begin–or continue–the conversation with our kids about technology. She demonstrates what we can say, so our children understand our values around technology, it strengthens our relationship, and it teaches our kids the skills of balance, kindness, and self-regulation.
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Dr. Dan Siegel shows us a simple meditative practice that comes completely from science. He talks about how we, as parents, can use this practice to add a pause before we react, and how we can also teach this to our kids so that they can make more thoughtful choices. The practice includes focused attention, open awareness, and compassion. You can use this practice to create
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If you child is having behavioral problems, difficulty managing her emotional, doesn’t finish tasks, or struggles with organization, planning, or controlling her impulses, she is probably weak in executive function skills. Dr. Lockhart explains that executive function skills are developed in our children’s brains, especially during the toddler/preschool and adolescent years. She talks about how ADHD, depression, trauma, and anxiety impact kid’s executive functioning abilities. And she shares with us a collaborative process that you can use with your child–to replace the yelling or arguing–so you can give your child’s brain exactly what it needs.
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Katie has been bringing The Work to millions of people for more than thirty years. Her public events, weekend workshops, five-day intensives, nine-day School for The Work, and 28-day residential Turnaround House have brought freedom to people all over the world.
Byron Katie's books include the bestselling Loving What Is, I Need Your Love—Is That True?, A Thousand Names for Joy, and A Mind at Home with Itself.
Summary:
Byron Katie’s The Work can be used in any situation where you are suffering. Listen to how Katie skillfully guides Jason and Cecilia through a situation in their relationship that had created some suffering (the laundry!). She helps them question the stressful thoughts that led to the suffering and see a new, more joyful, way to look at reality.
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Magdalena Consuelo Garcia describes how she’s worked with parents, using rituals, to make sense of, grieve, and integrate important life events. In the busyness of modern society we’ve lost touch with deep, meaningful ways to honor life transitions, such as marriage, becoming a mother, weaning, starting school, or graduating. Magdalena explains how we can use simple individual or small group rituals, to bring more peace and meaning to our lives.
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Do You want to Watch the conference?
25 videos, audio MP3 downloads, transcripts and all notes
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